Space is vital when siblings share a room
Ihave two preschoolers who share a room and I’m here to tell you that it can be the best of times, it can be the worst of times. They keep each other awake at bedtime and wake each other up at night. They divebomb each other early in the morning and sneak into each other’s beds when they’re not supposed to.
They also scheme together all the time, shut the door on us and giggle and play (for about 10 minutes before one bites the other) and are basically as thick as thieves.
There have been benefits, like only having to heat one room in winter and only having to read one set of stories at bedtime.
There have been drawbacks too, and as I see my kids’ different personalities evolving, I can see that the elder one is far more private and introverted and my younger one has no desire for personal space or alone time.
Later this year, we will be moving to a house where there will be enough space for them to have their own rooms, but we are in two minds about whether to split them up or not.
Registered educational psychologist Angela Neville said while many children might have the luxury of having their own bedroom, they may be missing out on the benefits of sharing.
‘‘The great thing about sharing a room with a sibling is that you can form a close bond that can last a lifetime,’’ she said.
Neville said in a world full of people becoming more egocentric and self-focused, sharing a room could also help children develop social skills which would set them up for a well-balanced focus on life.
‘‘Magical moments such as bedtime stories, torch-light shadow puppets and friendly pillow fights can be shared and reminisced on for years to come.
‘‘The ability to share possessions and space often comes more naturally to those who have shared a room. Having a confidante to tell your secrets is another bonus.’’
Experts advise that sharing a room can help some younger children to sleep better, learn valuable lessons, and establish a deeper bond.
But different temperaments can lead to a range of issues. Staggering bedtimes can help, as can creating separate but equal spaces to foster independence for each child.
Neville, who is a mother of two, said sometimes children needed to have space to be alone and reflect and this could be difficult when sharing a room.
‘‘Siblings can sometimes fall out if one tends to be messier than the other. This can be a chance to develop negotiation and resolution of conflict so could be seen as a positive,’’ she said.
Neville advised making sure that children had their own space even if they didn’t have their own room. This could be their own toy box, set of drawers or wardrobe.
‘‘If space is confined, then they should at least have their own drawer to put their stuff,’’ she said.
Then there is the issue of brothers and sisters sharing a room. I have a boy and a girl and so far, aged two and three, they have no real idea of needing privacy.
But while there are no official guidelines about kids of the opposite sex sharing a room, there is an informal school of thought that says as they near puberty it may no longer be appropriate.
I can’t imagine my pre-teen daughter wanting to share a room with her little brother when all his friends are over. And vice versa.
Neville said if there were not enough rooms in the house for the children to have their own, then other options were available.
‘‘Consider renting a sleepout or a caravan for the older sibling. Sometimes a divider can be used to separate a bedroom into two halves, to provide more privacy,’’ she said.
Kidz Therapy founder Marie Kelly said children who grew up sharing a room had learnt to compromise on a daily basis.
‘‘They may have to create rules. For example, I am getting changed, so you cannot come back for 10 minutes. This may lead them to be better flatmates or hostel mates at university,’’ she said.
Siblings could also become closer as a result but it could also lead to tension.
Kelly said she knew of a family who built a wall down the middle of the bedroom and created two very small but functional spaces for their preteen twins.
With children of the opposite sex, she said using common sense should prevail.
‘‘Keep a close eye on the children’s relationship and social and emotional wellbeing,’’ she said. ‘‘Some children mature early and this needs to be taken into account. Children are not all alike and this should be considered.’’
Parents needed to keep an eye out for increased squabbling, withdrawal, one child changing in the locked bathroom, a need for quiet, tidiness and more personal space.