Chris Williamson and Tabitha Arthur

Chris Williamson, 46, a senior motion designer at Weta Workshop, married portrait photographer/director Tabitha Arthur, 43, in 2012. They rent an apartment in Wellington’s Mt Victoria which they share with their two ragdoll cats, Frankie and Lola.

CI met Tab when she moved into a Wellington warehouse I was renting with 12 other people. Ironically, she moved into a room that my former girlfriend had moved out of. Tab was hanging curtains when I first met her and I offered to help. We quickly became good friends.

A year later we were at a bar for a flatmate’s birthday. We’d both drunk too much and started kissing. Tab ended up fleeing to her room because she was worried she’d mess up our friendship and the social dynamics of the flat. It was super awkward for a few days and we avoided each other but eventually we chatted and realised we wanted the same thing. She later told me she’d liked me for ages but I was too dimwitted to see it.

Tab is totally my type – she’s gorgeous and an awesome person, full of energy and passion for life. She’ll come home pumped about her day and her work. We’re total opposites – she’s an extrovert and I’m an introvert who, left to my own devices, would sit at home playing video games. But she introduces me to things I wouldn’t normally do and vice versa.

I’d feel suffocated, though, if we lived in each other’s pockets – we both have our own lives and interests. Tab retrained as a theatre director but I’m not really into the theatre. Because I want to support her, she’ll tell me which of her shows I’ll enjoy and which I won’t. It’s the same if I want to see an animated film – if I know she won’t like it, I won’t make her come with me. It means that when we are together, we have lots to talk about and that helps to keep the energy alive. We’ve been together 19 years and it still feels exciting.

We had a civil union mainly because we wanted to share the day with friends. I was so nervous speaking in front of people, I threw up the morning of the wedding. But it was an awesome party.

The year I turned 40 was the worst year of our lives. I lost my job, had a huge tax bill and Tab was studying. We had zero money and ended up selling our apartment and going flatting again. Lots of people have it worse than us and we weren’t living on the street, but we weren’t far off it.

On the flipside, it was also the best year because we got to spend lots of time together. We’d go for long walks up Mt Victoria and cook together and talk. Living at that basic level teaches you so much about life and about what’s really important.

TFor some random reason, when I was 12 I decided I didn’t want to get serious with anyone until I was 25 and married until I was 30. I met Chris when I was 24. I fell in love with him long before he fell in love with me – one night I was meeting the guy I was seeing at the time and I felt so sad he wasn’t Chris.

I had a history of seeing someone for a few weeks, then getting bored. But I knew Chris was special, that I had one chance with him and I didn’t want to blow it. It was such a relief when he told me he felt the same. Nineteen years later, I’m never bored with him.

Chris wasn’t my type at all – I went out with guys who were into their appearance and knew what a hairdresser was! But Chris doesn’t care about any of that stuff. Recently one of the hair/ makeup artists I work with did me up for a photo and when Chris got home I was fluttering my false eyelashes and he didn’t notice anything! From a young age, girls are taught to be obsessed with their appearance but Chris has taught me that it’s not important. As a photographer, I work a lot with women and girls and try to make them see that being beautiful isn’t about the outside but the inside.

I was a designer for Saatchi & Saatchi for years and burned out working ridiculously long hours, ending up in the hospital twice. I’m so grateful to Chris for sticking with me. He’s really good at evening out my highs and lows.

On paper we’re vastly different – I’m vegetarian and Chris isn’t. But he’s respectful and won’t cook meat at home. He’s also into his electric skateboard and wanted us to skateboard together. I tried, but it’s really scary. He broke his shoulder falling off it last year so there’s no way I’m doing that.

I’m an optimistic and emotional person whereas Chris is more realistic and science-based. He’s also hugely intelligent and has an awesome sense of humour.

His only bad habit is that he’s super messy. I’m not a clean freak but he takes mess to another level.

Previously, I felt like I had to go out all the time to feel validated, whereas Chris would rather stay at home. I also used to worry about what people thought of me. But Chris’ influence has rubbed off on me and now I don’t care what people think, which is really freeing. I’m also happy to sit on the couch with Chris watching a movie and know we’ll have an amazing time.