Explaining is losing with Christopher Luxon

Your attention please, this is your Christopher Luxon speaking. You know, just like the PM I’ve returned from my big overseas trip, and just like the PM I’ve brought back some pretty impressive wins: these cassava chips for a start, and this complimentary sleep mask and moistened towelette. Score!

But it seems all everyone has been doing this week is giving me stick for calling New Zealand businesses soft. So I’m here to say calm the farm, Nicola, it’s not as bad as it looks.

For a start, experienced leaders like me know that one of the risks of being a tall poppy is that you’re often quoted out of context.

Who’s to know that I didn’t actually say ‘‘Now look, team, when we’re in Europe I don’t want anyone saying something stupid like ‘New Zealand businesses are getting soft’, or they’ll have me to answer to. Are we clear?’’

That’s just an example of course, that’s not what I actually said. What I actually said to a conservative London think tank about New Zealand was ‘‘businesses are getting soft’’.

Which obviously is a lot more nuanced. And really, nothing for New

Zealand businesses to get their knickers in a twist about.

Because when you think about it, and hear me out here, ‘‘soft’’ can really be a quite positive thing. No lesser source than the Cambridge English Dictionary gives several definitions of ‘‘soft’’. I won’t trouble you with all of them, but I can tell you that one of those definitions is ‘‘not difficult’’. And isn’t that great?

What business wants to have a reputation for being difficult? Exactly. So in fact when I was calling New Zealand businesses soft I was actually praising them.

Also did you know that on the Chinese railway system, passenger coaches are designated ‘‘hard’ or ‘‘soft’’. And the soft ones are the best. So there’s that too. Think about that New Zealand businesses – you’re the best!

Shout-out to Brian in my comms team for googling that little nugget.

What you’ve got to realise is that when you talk to different people you have to use different words. Just as I say things about New Zealand businesses to a rightwing British think tank that I wouldn’t say to New Zealand businesspeople’s faces, in the same way I can call beneficiaries ‘‘bottom-feeders’’ – but obviously, again, not to their faces.

This, after all, is the mark of the true anointed leader. For is it not written in scripture ‘‘I have become all things to all people’’? (1 Corinthians 9:22). Exactly. Tell folks what they want to hear, and not what they don’t. Otherwise, you end up explaining. And if you’re explaining, you’re losing (1 John Key 2015).

Well, I’m glad we got all that sorted out. And I’m also glad that after all that palaver everyone, no matter who they are, can still be absolutely clear on what I think about changing the abortion laws. There can be absolutely no doubt about that.

Meanwhile, enjoy the cassava chips!