HAVING A BALL?
Traditionally an innocent occasion for young people to meet and socialise in a formal setting, there is a lot more to consider for teens attending a school ball today, writes Karen Nimmo.
It is school ball season; it is supposed to be fun. But it is often fraught, as teachers and parents scramble to dampen potential hot spots ahead of the big night. There is pressure around the cost, what to wear and who to take; worries about drugs, alcohol, sex, vaping, social media posts, whether partners can be trusted. And that is before you get to the preand post-ball parties. As one principal said: ‘‘Nothing good ever comes from an after party.’’
My own school ball memories don’t make the highlight reel.
Being set up by your ‘‘friends’’ with a partner who ditches you the second they get through the door on the ticket you have paid for isn’t fun. It is also a sign you need better friends.
But it seems I was lucky. More recently, buying a ticket for someone has been seen as a ‘‘ticket to sex’’, says a principal who is well versed in the stressors.
Increasingly, there are issues trying to control the heavy traffic to the toilets (for drugs, hip flasks of alcohol – often stashes planted earlier in the day.)
‘‘Historically, it has been about helping young people to meet, and we don’t want to lose that. But there needs to be clear boundaries around rules and safety,’’ she says.
‘‘It’s a special event, not an excuse to party. When it goes well, everyone has a good time. But it’s a big relief when it’s over.’’
It can be challenging for parents. There’s the cost, the angst for some kids, and preparing
them for trouble without giving a lecture or being alarmist.
One mum I spoke to has seen four daughters, now 18-23, through the ball season. They have different personalities but they all loved their balls. Being at a single sex school, it was an opportunity for them to meet and spend time with boys in a low-pressure, fun environment.
But she did prepare them.
‘‘We talked about being a good host to their dates, alcohol, the potential risks – especially the afters.’’
‘‘One daughter was kicked out of her senior ball because her date failed a breath test. He was in no way drunk, but had beer at a pre-party. I felt it was a little harsh. I understand the school has rules, but these kids are on the cusp of adulthood and we should consider treating them as though they are responsible.’’ However, she acknowledges that not everyone is responsible.
BEFORE YOUR CHILD STEPS OUT FOR THE BALL SEASON, HERE ARE SOME THINGS TO DISCUSS
■ Set a budget. Clothing hire, hair, makeup, tans – it all adds up. Clothing swaps, second-hand purchases and hires are a great idea.
■ You don’t have to go. For kids who don’t socialise easily these events can be anxiety-provoking and isolating. No-one should be pressured to attend.
■ Comply with the school rules. (This includes parents hosting pre- and after parties).
■ Do you trust the social group you are going with? If your partner ditches you, will you have friends to be with?
■ If you are taking someone, be a good host – be polite, include them and introduce them. Treat them as you would like to be treated.
■ Do you know and trust who you are taking? Are you prepared to be responsible for them and their behaviour?
■ What will you do if your partner gets drunk/ wants to do MDMA (ecstasy) and you don’t?
■ Don’t do drugs. No schools sanction drugs.
■ Respect alcohol. If you are not used to drinking, this isn’t the night to give it a go. Especially if you are wearing high heels.
■ If you are going to an after party, is it being responsibly run? Do you and/or your parents know who’ll be in charge and what the rules are?
■ What is your plan for getting home?
■ What is your plan B for getting home?
■ What is your code word – even just a letter or number you can type to your parents if you are in trouble or need to be picked up earlier than arranged.
■ Eat. Before the ball and the dinner. Alcohol without food is a bad combination.
■ Sex. If you are taking someone you don’t know well, be clear about the expectations around sex. Check you are comfortable with the implications of taking them.
■ Show respect – for school rules, to your date, to your friends, and to yourself.
■ Parents: If you are hosting an event, align it with the school’s rules and their expectations of students. If it is an after party, are you up for taking full responsibility for the safety and wellbeing of students until they are home?
Sound like more trouble than it’s worth? Perhaps. But the school ball season only comes around once in a lifetime. If it is your child’s thing, help them find (safe) ways to enjoy it.