We’re all responsible for children

Social workers who have helped vulnerable children are faced with returning those kids to a home where violence and abuse is likely to continue. Katie Kenny reports for the Faces of Innocents series.

When kids arrive on one of the Barnardos Children’s Safety Programmes, social worker Amanda Kirkaldy and other staff often have to think creatively about keeping the kids engaged in the programme. One way is to feed them.

‘‘Many of the families who come into the programme are dealing with multiple social issues,’’ Kirkaldy says.

‘‘Poverty, relationship breakdown, mental health issues, drug and alcohol addiction, and on top of that, the violence.

‘‘Sometimes the children turn up to our programme and they haven’t eaten. They can’t concentrate because they haven’t eaten. So that’s what we start with – food.’’

Amanda Kirkaldy is the programme coordinator for family violence services across Wellington for Barndardos, the country’s largest provider of children’s social services.

She started as a support worker with vulnerable families in rural New South Wales, Australia and has 25 years of experience.

‘‘I could see after working with these families . . . we were making a difference. I knew right then and there this is what I wanted to keep on doing,’’ she says.

In the charity’s Lower Hutt office, a drawing of a child has been covered in labels describing hurtful actions. The child, outlined in red felt tip, appears to be crying and also sticking out his tongue.

Little hands have positioned labels relating to violence – ‘‘dragging’’, ‘‘pushing’’, ‘‘kicking’’, ‘‘bad touching’’ – around the figure, while labels relating to abuse – ‘‘threats’’, ‘‘shouting’’, ‘‘intimidation’’, ‘‘putdowns’’ – cover the figure’s body.

Police open an average of 32 child protection cases every day. About 60,000 children a year are notified to Child, Youth, and Family. New Zealand ranks fifth in the OECD for child abuse. In many of these cases, a social worker is a first response.

Families are typically referred to the service via the Ministry of Justice, Child, Youth and Family, community agencies, or selfreferrals. Within 24 hours, Barnardos will make contact with the family and do a ‘‘needs identification assessment’’.

‘‘We look at immediate safety concerns for the the family and then put in place a safety plan,’’ Kirkaldy says.

‘‘That might be talking to police, making contact with Women’s Refuge, and possibly alerting neighbours.’’

From there, they arrange for the family to come in for a more detailed safety plan. Kirkaldy and her team deliver the nine-week Footsteps to Feeling Safe child safety programme for ages 5-17.

Kirkaldy says the programme is educational rather than counselling: the aim is to provide a ‘‘tool box of coping strategies to help them in terms of dealing with the effects of family violence’’.

‘‘We help them try and deal with difficult feelings and emotions they’re going through as part of dealing with the abuse that’s happening. We want to build up their self-esteem, confidence, and resilience.’’

Some of the best feedback she’s received was when a kid told her: ‘‘You made me believe in myself so much.’’

Caregivers are encouraged to attend three of the Footsteps to Feeling Safe sessions.

‘‘The key messages of the programme are that abuse and violence are never OK. Family violence is not a secret and we encourage children to talk to trusted adults around them.’’

Many of the kids have experienced two, three, or more violent relationships.

‘‘Sometimes parents or caregivers do move into new relationships very quickly and this can be a time of heightened risk for a child’s wellbeing,’’ she says.

‘‘It’s just as important they consider the risks for their child to have a relationship with that person . . . and take protective steps to ensure their children are not left unsupervised with people they and their children don’t yet know well or trust.’’

With the recent introduction of the Family Violence Information Disclosure Scheme (FVIDS), a potential victim of abuse — or concerned relatives or friends — can request information from Police relating to any violent history regarding a new partner. In one case, a parent met a stranger over social media and invited them back to their house where children were. ‘‘Things got out of hand.’’

Safety programmes also focus on teaching young people about healthy relationships so they can go on to make well-informed decisions, she says.

It’s important children know they are not responsible for someone else’s actions, however they are responsible their own choices. to be violent or abusive.

‘‘Sometimes children will think, ‘if only I had done my homework that argument might not have started’, but children are not responsible for abuse and violence. We might have a child who is being violent to a sibling and we say to them, ‘you’re responsible for making choices not be violent or abusive’.’’

Children deserve to be safe, she says.

‘‘They deserve to be loved and nurtured and cared for. We want them to be making good choices for the future which are going to help them and their children.’’

One of the biggest challenges of the job can be watching a young person experience ‘‘amazing personal growth’’ throughout the programme only to return to a home where violence and abuse is likely to continue.

‘‘We are all responsible for looking out for children and their families and stepping up to be a voice for them.’’ Helpline for children and young people: To talk to a counsellor call 0800 WHATSUP or 0800 942 8787 free from 1pm to 11pm seven days a week.