Finding Aroha: NZ dating show with a difference
"Love is a sensory explosion of nostalgia, of an aftershave, of a song, of a special meal, a certain night or day, all these other things that make love so beautiful, we've got to be prepared to have some compromise in ourselves as well as what we expect from others, and if we just be a bit more open to being surprised and be willing to really make ourselves vulnerable, then who knows?'' Miriama Smith
Miriama Smith is no stranger to love.
Not only is the Kiwi actress happily married, she helps others tie the knot as a marriage celebrant.
‘‘I’m a bit of a sucker for a good love story,’’ she says.
Smith’s latest project has provided the Filthy Rich star a chance to indulge her love for - well, love.
She hosts Finding Aroha, a dating show with a difference set to air in August on Maori Television.
At the start of each episode, we meet a singleton desperate to find a romantic partner.
With Smith’s help, we find out about their past and why they’ve been unlucky in love so far.
Then they bring on two guests - potential partners for the singleton - to be quizzed by the single’s friends and whanau.
Eventually, this unofficial romance committee choose one suitor for their loved one to date. It’s all, Smith says, a lot of fun. But then, that’s what she thinks love should be like.
It should be about enjoyment and spontaneity, not about finding someone who ticks all the boxes.
Smith thinks too many people limit themselves by buying into the myth that everyone has someone perfect out there waiting for them.
‘‘You might not be open to new experiences, or being surprised.’’
And that’s what Finding Aroha is all about: encouraging singles to open themselves up new relationships.
That’s where the panel of family and friends come in.
Smith says participants often had a warped view of themselves and what (or who) was best for them.
She got to watch friends and family straighten things out.
‘‘You know how sometimes we don’t always know what’s best for us?
‘‘We think we do, we think we know our type and we think what we’re attracted to is going to be good for us, but actually the family and the friends know what to look out for in terms of the warning signs, and so sometimes what might be the obvious choice in the end isn’t what they go for. It’s quite cool watching that process.’’
She reckons the friends and whanau often made better decisions than the singleton would have made on their own.
Smith took one contestant shopping at a toy store help her figure out what she wanted.
‘‘A lot of the contestants who came on, who were willing to put themselves out there, would say they were ready for love but once we interviewed them their whanau and friends would say, no you actually don’t do that, you’re not ready for love.’’
Smith says Finding Aroha‘ s approach is a ‘‘throwback’’ way of finding partners that reaches back into Maori tradition.
Historically, whanau would talk about who their tamariki would marry almost from the day they were born.
‘‘I think that’s why it’s really appropriate for Maori TV, because we are such a family-oriented people.
It just seems like a natural choice,’’ she says.
Although Smith always thought she’d never let her friends or family set her up with someone, her own family played a part in her happily ever after - she married a friend of her cousin’s.
That doesn’t mean she doesn’t respect the people who put themselves out there on Finding Aroha, though.
‘‘I was kind of in awe of that, really, because I don’t think I’d have the courage to let my family do that for me, or my friends.’’
But the important question: has Finding Aroha‘ s method worked? Smith says at this stage she’s unsure. She knows there have been some second dates, but it won’t be until the show’s final episode, which films next month, that she learns how the relationships she helped start have developed.
She says it’s how to predict how they have gone. There’s no formula for love, and that’s what makes it so fascinating.
‘‘There are all these other factors that make love love that the ‘happily ever afters’ forgot to tell us about when we were growing up,’’ she says.
‘‘Love is a sensory explosion of nostalgia, of an aftershave, of a song, of a special meal, a certain night or day, all these other things that make love so beautiful, we’ve got to be prepared to have some compromise in ourselves as well as what we expect from others, and if we just be a bit more open to being surprised and be willing to really make ourselves vulnerable, then who knows? What’s the worst that could happen?
‘‘Love is pretty awesome no matter what.’’ premieres on Maori Television at 8.30pm on August 4.