Dad making memories while he can
Al Ingram is terrified of dying. The 36-year-old husband and father of two young girls has just three months to live.
Since the age of 20 the Cromwell man has three times been told he has cancer. ’’This is the first time I’ve been scared’’, he said.
He’s scared because doctors told him earlier this month there was ‘‘nothing left they can do’’ about his brain tumour.
‘‘I have come to terms with the fact that this will kill me [but] I thought I had a bit more time up my sleeve.’’
Ingram was first diagnosed with brain cancer 15 years ago, ‘‘a week and one day’’ after he and wife Heidi, 36, were married in Dunedin.
Since then he’s had three surgeries, numerous rounds of chemotherapy, and the tumour keeps returning. This time, though, is different.
It’s tough too for daughters Maxine, 13, and Aria, 11.
‘‘I don’t know if it’s fully sunk in,’’ Heidi said. ‘‘It’s all they have known, their dad being sick.’’
The couple feel telling Maxine and Aria everything is the best method for helping them cope.
Heidi said they decided to tell the girls about the diagnosis so they could ‘‘appreciate Dad and spend time with him’’.
This most recent diagnosis is particularly devastating after five years of reasonable health for Al.
He and Heidi decided to renew their wedding vows in November last year but, a week before, Al had a seizure and doctors found the tumour had returned.
This time he was told it was incurable.
The doctors let him out of hospital long enough for the family to have the ceremony.
A chef for 22 years, he is no longer able to work. Al is now increasingly tired, annoyed, frustrated and bored.
When Heidi is at work and the girls are at school, he has too much time to think about how his family will cope after he is gone.
‘‘Your friends and family suffer from what you’re going through too. I feel pretty s....y in the fact that I have got nothing left that I can [do] for them.’’
Al said the insurance companies ‘‘wouldn’t touch him’’ after he was first diagnosed as a 20 year old.
But the Cromwell community - of which the Ingram family had been part of for the past 10 years - had been ‘‘amazing’’, Al said.
He talks of one particular scenario where a staff member from the local supermarket offered to take his groceries home for him as soon as their shift was finished.
‘‘We’ve been really humbled by the support being given.’’
The family wants to ‘‘make memories’’ in the time they have left together.
They plan to go to the Catlins this weekend and to Te Anau and Auckland before Al said he would become bed-ridden and ‘‘forget who I am’’.
‘‘I’ll forget the people around me [too]. I can’t imagine forgetting my family.’’
A Givealittle page has been set up for the family.