Domestic abuse shame of resort towns
She has been punched in the face, spat on, choked, rugby tackled into a table, had her clothes ripped off, and held hostage in her home, her young children watching on as their father threw objects around the room.
But after 12 years living in an abusive relationship, Jessie (not her real name) is free. She is also strong.
The 36-year-old mother of three is one of the sky-rocketing number of family harm victims who has sought help from the Wakatipu’s abuse prevention network, Jigsaw.
Jigsaw Central Lakes Manager Tina Mongston detailed a significant jump in the number of cases from around Queenstown, Wanaka and Central Otago.
‘‘For the 11 months to date this year, we have worked with 580 clients from throughout the Wakatipu Basin, a 48 per cent increase from the previous year’s total figures.’’
The region’s growing population, and the economic and social pressures that went with living in the expensive resort towns, was taking its toll on many families, she said.
‘‘It’s really an example of the underbelly of what happens and is hidden here.
‘‘You hear really good stories coming out of this region and I am not minimising that, but with any growing town, there are going to be growing social issues.’’
Most clients were hard-working, middle-income earners, struggling to live in an expensive area, she said.
‘‘I think the median rent is about $790 a week and that is impacting on families – they can’t afford to put a roof over their head. That is going to create stress.’’
Domestic abuse included emotional, verbal, financial, psychological and physical violence. Intimidating and threatening behaviours were common and were quite often under-reported.
Entrenched psychological abuse was something that resonated with Jessie. That, and physical violence.
The first time her face met her partner’s fist was in Queenstown when they were out drinking with friends.
He was angry because his friends had talked to her.
‘‘We were in the back of his friend’s car and he was yelling at me. He grabbed my throat and slammed me against the side of the car.’’
The pattern was the same: the abuse would happen, then the apol- ogy. ‘‘When I met him he was quite exciting. He was playing rugby, was fit and handsome. But he also had this way about him where he was always talking about his bad childhood, saying he needed help. I really wanted to help this guy get better.
‘‘I didn’t realise at the time there was major manipulation, even just little subtle things. He used to make me feel bad about the way I looked, the clothes I wore . . . He would get angry. I started questioning my own behaviour. It got worse and worse.’’
After several break-ups, court appearances and arrests, Jessie, pregnant with her third child, decided enough was enough.
She got referred to Jigsaw and participated in a ‘‘Moving Beyond Violence’’ programme.
‘‘It became about setting boundaries and not being worried about letting other people know that I have them. That is how I live my life now. I am confident in myself now to say that isn’t acceptable. They probably have no idea, but those
‘‘I didn’t realise at the time there was major manipulation, even just little subtle things.’’
Jessie
ladies at Jigsaw changed my life."
Women’s Refuge chief executive Dr Ang Jury said a long-overdue analysis of social services provision was currently being undertaken.
It was looking at where services were, what was needed, where they should be and what they were prepared to pay for.
‘‘It is a good start but after that the government needs to stump up the money to make it happen.’’
Towns with growing populations and that were further away from services were missing out on assistance, she said.
‘‘If you look at the number of refuges in the country, there are 40 refuges – four in Christchurch, a dozen or so in Auckland and the rest are scattered around the country. It is not hard to see places where it is missing at all.’’