Compassion no substitute for action
After Jacinda Ardern’s choked apology to the family of Grace Millane became part of the international story that was already full of accounts of a deep sense of sorrow nationwide, a Guardian reader in the UK posted a comment.
‘‘This makes me want to move to New Zealand. What incredible compassion, top to bottom.’’
Another: ‘‘Wouldn’t it be nice if America had a leader like this, that was so caring and compassionate? What a beautiful thing for the leader of a country to do and say.’’
Which is sort-of gratifying, but does anyone feel a small sense of unease as well?
Even as they watched their PM’s feelings well up, hundreds upon hundreds of New Zealanders, themselves bereft, would have been wondering, what of their daughters? Their sons? Their brothers or sisters, all torn from them by violence no less inherently wrong, or cruel or intolerable?
Did they somehow matter less? Was theirs a lesser tragedy, not worth an apology from on high?
Everyone would rush to answer no, of course not. Perhaps adding that some stories capture massive attention not because the victim had greater worth, but they’re representative; emblematic of the need to address so much that needs to be done.
Why Grace? She was a tourist. Her death garnered international attention.
It’s no criticism of Ardern that she spoke directly to this case. She wasn’t just gratuitously weighing in for the purposes of damage limitation. She had received many requests for comment on the killing. Had she not said something, it would have been an issue in itself. On top of which she’d surely have been thinking about this young tourist’s death, as so many have.
She wasn’t acting when her voice faltered. It would be unfair to suggest, either, that she was turning on a readily accessed emotional tap, from a reservoir of feelings kept handy for just such moments.
Speaking not in generalities but addressing the Millane family parentto-parent, she was exactly as she appeared, sincerely swept by sorrow, a sense of accountability. Worthy sentiments, worth communicating.
But consider this, from an ABC news report: ‘‘The crime has stunned New Zealand citizens in part because of the country’s low murder rate. There were 48 homicides nationwide in 2017, a number lower than the 58 recorded in 2016 ...’’
Rubbish, isn’t it? The great impact of the Millane case isn’t remotely because of any sense of shocking rarity. If anything it’s the opposite. Insufficient rarity.
Rather than spend too terribly long assessing how well Ardern has communicated all that she should, the rest of us might be better off looking to ourselves.
It would be a fine thing if our outpourings of empathy proved to be more than spasms of self-comforting by a nation that is not entirely unaware that it is being watched, and instead become a real, collective, truly purposeful commitment to identify, resource and personally help pursue changes needed to treat one another better and keep one another safer.