DIY funeral without pomp

Our friend Paul was a man who always did things his own way in life so, when he died, it was only to be expected that he would continue that theme.

Paul was a good man, a founder of Dementia New Zealand, a lover of wine, food and cars, and a man with a wicked sense of humour.

And he was very clear he didn’t want a traditional funeral or a $5000-plus brasshandled, fancy box.

We knew, because he told us, that he wanted to spend his money on great wine and food to celebrate his life, rather than on a funeral director hovering over his grieving family and friends.

Don’t get me wrong, funeral directors are worth their weight for many people, helping guide families through the right kind of event to farewell their loved ones.

But if ever there was an industry ripe for disruption it has to be the funeral industry, with its pomp and ceremony and pricey caskets. An industry that certainly didn’t reflect what Paul wanted.

So his stalwart partner and friends got a crash course in funerals when we organised his. Disruption has been happening for a while on a small scale with alternative, eco-friendly coffins and unconventional burials popping up to challenge the status quo, but they’re far from mainstream.

Grief comes with a desire to ‘‘do the right thing’’ for the person who has died, but it comes at an average cost of $10,000, according to Consumer Magazine. The bulk goes on the funeral director’s ‘‘professional services’’ fee, covering anything from the costs of filling in paperwork to hiring the funeral home, to transportation.

There’s also the doctors’ certificates; embalming costs, if you go that way; the hearse; the funeral home; the service; the cremation; the urn; and the wake.

Traditional coffins cost between $350 and $5000. We knew that Paul would be less than impressed in forking out that sort of money on his short-stay accommodation.

Burial plots cost around $2500, but in Auckland it’s up to $6600 for a multi-use plot.

I know that DIY funerals wouldn’t be everyone’s cup of tea, as most of us are pretty inexperienced in this area and it’s tough enough dealing with death. But I now know that it can be done, and we did it for Paul because that’s what he wanted.

We discovered the only legal requirements were to get two doctors to certify the death; then you fill in multiple, and confusing, hard copy forms; transport the body; and organise a cremation or burial.

His coffin was nice, rough-sawn macrocarpa, sourced from a chap in Feilding through Trade Me and delivered by overnight courier.

We friends placed Paul in the coffin and took him to the crematorium in the back of a car. I can assure you it was perfectly dignified. Paul’s ashes are now back at his home, where we’ve just celebrated his life at a backyard barbecue with beers, wine and topend sausages.

I know DIY isn’t the right thing for everyone, but for us it’s been a great way to come together and work as a team for Paul and his family.

So this column is in memory of Paul Tunley, who always did things his own way in life and now, with our help, in death.

Southland must continue to market itself to attract the tourist dollar.

Invercargill MP Sarah Dowie replied:

My focus has been on better domestic connections working with both Air New Zealand and Jetstar with the support of Venture Southland, Chamber of Commerce, the airport and other community leaders.

As part of that work and recently, Air NZ announced a new direct link between Invercargill and Auckland.

Tourism to the Catlins is at the moment predominantly domestic, however, international interest is growing. Southland must continue to market itself to attract the tourist dollar.

Air NZ is also undertaking long term strategic work on both international and domestic travel, frequency, connections and have engaged with all mainland MPs on their thoughts about flight travel in the south.

Neil McDermott