Report from the capital gains tax frontline
Hello and welcome to Proctoscope, the current affairs programme that takes a closer look at the body politic. Joining me tonight are Tax Working Group chairman Sir Doctor Michael Cullen and Leader of the Opposition Simon Bridges. Mr Bridges?
Oh thank you God, thank you thank you for this, I’ll never doubt you again, thank you thank you thank you.
Mr Bridges? Perhaps if you got up off your knees…
Oh. Sorry.
Let’s start with you Sir Doctor Cullen. You’re proposing the Labour-led Government introduce a capital gains tax. More tax, then?
More tax yes but also in a way, quid pro quo, more tax no. You see, viewed through the lens of tax neutrality, this is a burble burble rhubarb rhubarb rhubarb.
Mr Bridges, your reply?
RUN! EVERYBODY RUN! Gather your children! Fetch the animals from the fields! Barricade the doors! They’re coming for everything you love and THEY WILL NEVER STOP!
Sir Doctor Cullen is that a fair representation?
Not really, I mean, fundamentally we’re simply talking about stretching the tax base to accommodate a more diverse number of inputs waffle rhubarb burble burble rhubarb waffle.
Isn’t that right Mr Bridges?
What’s being stretched are the wallets of ordinary Kiwis as this Government attacks them! This is an assault on ordinary Kiwis but I tell you that I and all the ordinary Kiwis like me won’t be giving up our baches, oh no. They’ll have to prise them from our COLD DEAD HANDS!
Do you own a bach?
Well more like an interest in a few investment properties but the bach is a good metaphor. Look, this tax is an attack on what it means to be a New Zealander. You might as well tax the Edmonds Cookbook! Jandals! Rachel Hunter and Trumpets! That’s what we’re talking about here and this Labourled government WOULD TAX THEM ALL! Alive! I feel so alive!
Sir Michael Doctor –
No wait! I haven’t finished! Won’t anyone think of the compliance costs! The only winners here are lawyers and accountants! Businesses will be drowning in red tape, do you hear me? LITERALLY DROWNING IN RED TAPE!
Is it possible to literally drown in red tape?
It’s a metaphor!
Doctor Sir Cullen: is a capital gains tax too complicated?
Well they do seem to cope with it in Australia.
Mr Bridges? They seem to cope with it in Australia.
Oh yeah? Yeah? And since when has Australia been the yardstick to measure ourselves by? Look how they treated the aborigines! Exactly!
Well on that tangent can I have a closing statement from each of you. Mr Cullen?
Recommendations, fairness, consultation, rhubarb rhubarb, burble burble waffle.
And Mr Bridges?
Communism by stealth! Rachel Hunter! Trumpets! Dancing cossacks! We will fight them on the beaches, we few, we happy few, we band of brothers! Yes they may take our lives, but they can’t take away our freedom! Look out New Zild, Simon’s back in the game! I’m on fire! On fire! Woohoo! . . . Actually I could do with a cold shower, have you got one?
It is hard for many to believe there is a housing crisis in the south until you actually find yourself looking for a flat, or getting a blast from the heat that is in our property market.
It is challenging at the moment. But, spare a thought for those truly at the spikier end of the housing market, sleeping in tents or caravans, or stacked up like sardines in compromised communal living arrangements.
If it is hard for the average person then its bloody awful if you are young and have no track record, and if you’re financial record is not that flash, or you have just moved to town and don’t know anyone.
We have a problem in the south that manifests itself in housing shortages.
But the true issues run deeper and until we work out a solution we are going to have all the potential growth that presently exists hamstrung
It was only a handful of years ago that the lower South Island was truly in decline.
For more than 20 years, population was on a grinding, everretrenching slide, only slightly disguised by us oldies swelling the numbers as Baby Boomers hit their dotage.
Then BOOM!
Jobs are everywhere, and every time we look, the development projects offer up the potential for more and more jobs.
This new phenomena has come in fast, and the south just has not had the time to adjust.
I am not complaining, mind you. Let’s face it, this is way better than what we had been subjected to for all those years.
But, very quickly the influx of workers soaked up the available accommodation.
Our brilliant service agencies haven’t had time to adjust and grow at the same pace, so that they have the ability to meet the new demand.
There is a general lack of awareness from the wider public, because human nature dictates that if it’s not happening to you or a loved one, it’s easy to stay deluded that it is not happening.
But it is.
I applaud the ethos behind KiwiBuild.
At least there is now a focus and a conscious effort to address the crisis.
But in the south I believe we actually have the solution which is not just ‘‘feeding the machine’’.
If it is hard for the average person then its bloody awful if you are young and have no track record, and if you’re financial record is not that flash, or you have just moved to town and don’t know anyone.
It is an oxymoron to call a $700,000 house affordable so I am not surprised by media reports last week that the ballots in the North Island are getting limited response.
Even if you were super human and somehow got together a 20 per cent deposit, that still leaves your weekly mortgage commitments at over $850.
That’s a neat deal for a young couple – just don’t ever get sick or have an accident in the next 20 years.
And family planning is going to be challenging so please don’t separate, because if the financial costs don’t get you the social costs will.
So what is different in the south? You could build a palace in Clutha for around half the cost up north.
It is within the margins that a couple’s Kiwi Saver would equate to a 20 per cent deposit and your mortgage commitments would be around $500.
That is a serious commitment, but it’s doable.
And then we have the security of all these jobs, so ‘‘Get a Job, Get a House, Get a Life’’ is a realistic dream.
But it’s not happening. Why?
❚ Bryan Cadogan is the Clutha District Mayor.