Breaking with tradition
Sure, Scott Robertson’s all the rage, but this is ridiculous. Organisers of the 2024 Paris Olympics have revealed breakdancing is on their wishlist for ‘sports’ at the Games. Climbing, surfing and skateboarding were also listed, but surprisingly there were no calls for Rubik’s Cube races, hacky sack competitions or Jazzercise routines. The Crusaders coach is our most famous breakdancer. He’s 44. Behind him it’s Joe Moana – the white-gloved, snake-hipped star of the video for the 1983 hit Poi E. After that – um, no one? That’s because breakdancing – bar Robertson’s triumphal displays – were last popular in the mid1980s. If you were in high school then – just hypothesising, of course – you had to be careful where you walked down corridors, less you trampled on some enthusiastic fourth-former’s head as he spun furiously on the slick floor. Yet those entrusted with organising the XXXIII Olympiad feel it should re-emerge alongside the 100m sprint, 50m freestyle, heavyweight boxing, the gymnastics beam and the marathon. Is there a breakdancing revolution on the streets of Paris that we don’t know about? Will gyrating Parisiennes storm the barricades should the organisers not get their wish? Climbing, surfing and skateboarding are also wanted – that trio should be easily accommodated as they’ve already been lined up for Tokyo 2020, while squash has been . . . well, squashed, again. Before this column is met with an ‘Old Man Shouts at Cloud’ meme, it votes for continuing changes and re-assessment of the Olympic programme to keep pace with the world. There is no longer the standing high jump, tug-of-war and croquet at the Games – mostly for sound reasons (but you kinda wish to watch a standing high jump comp, right?). At the 1964 Olympics, the longest athletics distance race for women was the 800m. So Esports should be the next major addition to the Olympic programme. It has massive participation numbers that are still rapidly expanding, keeps the Olympic movement relevant with youth and will prove to be a huge audience driver. But, vive la difference for now, as we prepare to cheer on b-boys Scott and Joe as they stabbed windmill and toprock in pursuit of the podium.