The wisdom of Blue’s silence

Now is a time of mysteries. Last week, God the sniper. This week, the conjoined dogs. Can anyone fathom these things? Answers on a postcard please (remember postcards?) to PO Box 666, The Endtimes. I was watching Trump on television. I’m not sure why. Trump is like a public hanging: hideous but hard to look away from.

He was holding a press conference in front of 300 journalists, pretty well all of whom were his moral and intellectual superiors. Yet he was the king. As a species we get no better at power.

Trump would point at a journalist, the journalist would pose a question and Trump would fail to answer it. His replies were emotive

Often I’d find

noise, bereft of thought and meaning, as

a black and

significant as the snores and farts of my old dog.

white dog

Blue, who lay stretched at my feet as if shot,

curled up in

knows nothing of Trump.

It’s a wise innocence.

there with

Suddenly Blue woke.

In an instant he went

him ...

from corpse to sentry, his ears cocked, his body taut, the whole of him focused on something I could not detect. Then with a squeal of excitement he was up off the carpet, out through the dog door and away into the night.

There were several possible explanations, all of them emergencies: a possum on the roof, a dog on the deck or a hint of a suspicion of the presence of a cat within five miles. I stayed on the sofa. Trump was still burbling.

I don’t think he thinks that anyone believes him. I think he speaks to reassure himself. He is so desperate for praise that he praises himself. He is so conscious of his failures that he projects them onto others. If Trump has an achievement it is that he has somehow rebuffed the world with brazen incoherence. But it can’t last. Earlier that day his former legal thug had called him a conman and a cheat. And no-one was surprised.

I could hear Blue whimpering with excitement. It had to be a visiting dog. We get a lot of them, dogs whose owners’ idea of going for a walk is opening the back door. Some become regulars.

Between politicians, this would simply be the fog of war. But, in this context at least, Cullen is not a politician.

During the earthquakes I would leave car and garage open for Blue to take refuge. Often I’d find a black and white dog curled up in there with him, the pair of them trembling. And for a while a vast St Bernard used to lumber up and stick his head and mane through the dog door and survey the living room, unable to go further.

I got up to see what was happening and discovered not one dog but two – a sloppy-tongued mongrel and a whitish terrier. But, and here lies the mystery, the collar of one was yoked to the collar of the other by a leash a metre long. Why? What possible purpose could it serve? What was someone trying to achieve? I scratched my head then and I’m scratching it now, and still I come up with nothing.

When the mongrel saw me it tried to take off but the terrier tried to come towards me. The leash pulled them both up short. The dogs seemed puzzled but undistressed, like Siamese twins trying to get the hang of things. The mongrel was larger than the terrier and eventually prevailed. There was a brief confusion when they went either side of a lamp standard, then they headed back down the drive together into the warm night.

Trump was still burbling. ‘‘Blue,’’ I said to the dog, ‘‘the older I get, the less I understand.’’

And Blue, who is a wise dog, said nothing.

Sir Michael Cullen’s performance when he released the Tax Working Group’s final report bore the hallmarks of a swansong. As well as warning about the political difficulty of introducing a capital gains tax, Cullen cracked jokes about Huawei, talked about how hard it is to quit smoking and took shots at various media organisations.

He informed us that by and large New Zealanders do not own baches.

The Tax Working Group has now disbanded, its final meeting held and the group’s report passed to the Government, which is sitting, like a possum in headlights, working out what it will do.

Finance Minister Grant Robertson, Revenue Minister Stuart Nash and Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern have assiduously battled to say nothing of consequence about tax policy as debate on the topic rages. This has raised questions of whether the Government is willing, or even able, to debate the proposals.

But Cullen, who is not quite a decade out of politics, remains in the game. His role as working group chairman continues, delivering presentations to interest groups and, now, attacking claims made by the Government’s opponents.

On Monday evening, at 8.11pm, Cullen, who served nine terms as a Labour MP, issued a statement knocking back a claim by the National Party four days earlier. Opposition leader Simon Bridges claimed on Friday that: ‘‘A capital gains tax would reduce retirement savings for an average earner’s KiwiSaver by $64,000 over the course of their working life.’’ Cullen responded by 1. What historic document includes the words: ‘‘We hold these truths to be selfevident, that all men are created equal’’?

2. What is the term for someone who regularly posts short videos to a website?

3. In what Swiss alpine town does the World Economic Forum hold its annual meeting?

4. Ethnic Armenians make up 98 per cent of the population of what country?

5. What renowned amateur detective lived in the fictional English village of St Mary Mead? 6. In what position did Crusaders coach Scott Robertson play as an All Black?

7. What famous fictional character was revived in the best-selling 2008 novel Devil May Care, by British writer Sebastian Faulks?

8. A person with an ursine appearance resembles what animal?

9. What common invasive plant, sometimes known as cutty grass, came to New Zealand from Argentina?

10. Who was the more famous older sister of American socialite Lee Radziwill?