My unvaccinated grandkids can’t play
Question
I meet my friend every Friday and we take our little grandchildren out for a treat. We’ve been doing this for a couple of years. Just recently my friend’s daughter realised my grandchildren haven’t been vaccinated and she’s said the kids aren’t to meet any more. She’s right, my daughter hasn’t had her kids immunised but she’s done her research into the pros and cons of vaccination and she said there are too many nasties in the stuff they give them.
I got my daughter immunised, of course, but she tells me I was a blind follower, and in a way she’s right, I just did what I was told. Now that I see how angry my friend’s daughter is, I don’t know what to think about my daughter’s decision.
Answer
It’s hard for you two friends because neither of you is making the decisions for your grandchildren but you are thrust into this important debate anyway. You’re right that once upon a time, parents took medical advice and didn’t often question it. This doesn’t make you a blind follower but more a person parenting typically in that era.
It’s interesting you say your daughter has done her own research into the pros and cons of getting her children vaccinated. I don’t for a moment suggest that she’d want anything but the best for her children but what sort of research is she talking about?
Has she used critical thinking or has she scrolled online through anti-vaxxer sites? Some parents make the decision not to vaccinate based on the ‘‘side’’ that shouts the loudest or comes up with the scariest scenario.
I’m grateful for the eradication of diseases that decimated children in my grandparents’ day. Why would we risk bringing back those terrible times?
You’ll be aware, I’m sure, that the number of people deciding not to vaccinate their children has risen dramatically and, as a consequence, we’ve had a severe measles outbreak. She should take particular note of the recent, disastrous epidemic in Samoa.
Vaccine programmes are only successful if the majority of people take up the opportunity to vaccinate – the infection can’t spread in an environment where most people are protected.
I’m not sure how you can resolve your Friday meet-ups with your grandchildren but it would be a shame if you two friends lost contact over this. Perhaps you could meet without the children?
It would be good if this incident sparked a discussion with your daughter. People become entrenched in their opinions but you could ask her how she’d feel if one of her children caught something serious that could have been vaccinated against?
Your daughter is putting her own children at risk and is jeopardising other vulnerable people, including babies who may not have the ability to fight an infection when it hits.
Mary-anne Scott has raised four boys and written four novels for young adults, all of which have been shortlisted for the NZ Book awards for children and young adults. She has a new novel out now called Spearo.
Please note that Mary-anne is not a trained counsellor. Her advice is not intended to replace that of a professional counsellor or psychologist.