Kids fight too much to share a bedroom

they’re not fighting like cat and dog. When they’re friends, they egg each other on, making slime or painting walls with lurid dayglow poster paint.

When they’re fighting, they scream so loudly that the whole neighbourhood can hear them (probably).

The line between getting on well and screaming is so thin that the tiniest of transgressions (‘‘She left a sock in my room!’’, ‘‘Well, she looked at me!’’) can trigger full-blown sibling warfare.

It was the fighting that prompted me to give them their own bedrooms – a decision that left me, a self-employed writer, without an office.

Two years ago, when I made this decision, the sacrifice seemed worthwhile – sure, I would have to cram my workspace into our open-plan living room but without the sound of children fighting, the house would be harmonious.

Two years on and I’ve discovered that giving my kids their own bedrooms doesn’t make much difference to the fighting. Even when they’re both in their bedrooms, they fight on, undeterred by the small landing space between them. If anything, the volume has escalated.

But at least when they go to bed the fighting stops for a while. They read a book (and don’t fight about whether the light is on or off) or listen to a bedtime meditation (and don’t fight about where the guided visualisation takes them).

It’s only a temporary ceasefire, but it has shown them the value of having their own space.

Recently I’ve started thinking about putting the bunk beds back together and forcing them to share again. I’ve even explained all the psychological benefits of sharing, and regaled them with stories from my own childhood.

But for now, the rooms are staying as they are. Because my experience tells me that forcing my chalk and cheese children to share a living space will cause us more grief in the short term.

When they’re fighting, they scream so loudly the whole neighbourhood can hear them.

This article first appeared on Domain.com.au and has been republished with permission.