New year note to self: remember to take a breath

Igrant.shimmin@stuff.co.nz

Well, would you look at that. It’s almost the end of the first week of the year! How on earth did that happen?

Sorry, I wasn’t trying to depress you if you’re heading back to work on Monday, but the holiday period does feel like it’s flown by.

I’ve been at work all this week, actually – stat days too, that being the nature of media – but I don’t really mind in the sense that the newsroom vibe at this time of year can be more relaxing.

There’s also a feeling of camaraderie shared by those working while others are on holiday that I’ve always found quite uplifting. And I have some leave coming up at the end of the month, which, perversely, I’ll probably enjoy a little more knowing everyone else is back at work.

I’m really glad I booked that time now because being back in the office this week sparked a belated resolution for 2019; to work less!

That got your attention, didn’t it? But no, I’m not talking about changing jobs, or reducing my hours. What I’m really on about is getting a seven-letter word into my head, as a go-to: b-r-e-a-t-h-e.

I have to learn to stop and take more deep breaths, smell the roses, whatever you want to call it, because sometimes I don’t, and it does me no good.

My weeks tend to have some really busy days, and some quieter ones, and I’m probably so relieved when I hit the latter that I don’t give enough thought to how to use that extra time to make the former easier. This year I need to do that, to give myself that breathing space.

Apart from giving a health drive I started two years ago a reboot, I didn’t have any firm resolutions in mind as the clock ticked down to the end of 2018 and the start of Timaru’s impressive New Year fireworks display this week.

Nothing formal, for the same reasons as many others avoid resolutions. They either get forgotten in a flash, or they become something to obsess, and feel guilty, over. The old year rolls into the new one pretty darn quickly, and not everyone has time to reflect and reset before, suddenly, you’re at the end of the first week. t was on Wednesday, though, just the second afternoon of 2019, when most Kiwis were enjoying a holiday, that I felt it, the tension, the irritation, the stress.

I had a few things to get done that day, though they were decidedly manageable, but I let the irritation of one or two of them becoming more complicated and taking longer than they should have, and the perceived knock-on effect to the rest of my tasks, build, compound, and before long, I was a tightly coiled spring.

I can feel the stress across my shoulders now, just typing those words.

When I dragged myself away for a belated, truncated lunch break, it was difficult to relax at first, though my tension eventually started to ease, and it struck me that in that situation, even a short break is better than no break.

By the time I got back to it, I was calmer. I even got a little ahead of the clock on the first couple of remaining tasks, and finished a little earlier than I’d anticipated. Which felt almost like an achievement after all that.

But it told me something too. It was crazy that I had got that tense on just the second day of the year, ridiculous. Perhaps, I’ve since thought, the time of year meant I was more relaxed than I should have been starting the day, but I’m not about to apologise for being relaxed while most of the country is on holiday.

The thing is, I know all about working under pressure. Deadlines have always been part of my life. And I know how important it is to breathe too. But sometimes, deep in that stressful situation, it’s hard to do.

The next morning I stumbled across a quote from Ayishat Akanbi, a London-based ‘‘fashion stylist, writer and cultural critic’’, Google tells me. A chance find, but it resonated.

‘‘Being busy makes us feel accomplished. But our inner lives suffer as a result, as we leave ourselves less time to debrief. It’s no wonder generalised anxiety is a by-product of our contemporary lives. One of capitalism’s most damaging side-effects is the guilt induced by relaxation.’’

Do I feel guilty about relaxation? Do you? I do sometimes, if I’m honest. And I shouldn’t, we shouldn’t. Surviving stress isn’t a badge of honour.

For me, stress stifles creativity, and I want to be creative. It’s one of the main reasons I’m in the job I’m Ayishat Akanbi in, though it goes beyond that. I want to write, to sing – at karaoke, on stage, in the audience at rock concerts, in the car – to act, to write some more. And still have time to appreciate the beauty, and the many amazing people, around me.

Fortunately it was a week of timely quotes and I came across another, from Lin-Manuel Miranda, creator of the Broadway smash Hamilton and co-star of Mary Poppins Returns. Less a quote than a daily inspirational tweet, actually, but no less resonant than the last one.

‘‘Lower your shoulders. They’re by your ears! . . . We are not starting 2019 this tense. Breathe, love.’’

I thought of my kindness footprint, which I mentioned last week, and how hard enlarging that this year will be if I’m strung out. I think the message there is self-care. In that sense, we need to be part of our own footprints.

Project BREATHE is on, folks. Please be sure to tell me if you see me and I’m not.