No plus-one invitation? Get over it
Perhaps the only consensus about plus-ones at weddings is that there is no consensus. Single guests often complain that they’re treated as less-than if they can’t bring a date, whether that’s someone they’re just dating or a platonic close friend. On the other hand, hosts might counter that their invite lists are tight and they don’t want strangers at their wedding. Before you rail about the injustice of being invited to a wedding without a plus-one, remember: It’s not about you. Just as it’s up to the guest what kind of gift they will give, and how much they’ll spend, the invite list is up to the hosts. And even if you’ve been invited with a guest, that doesn’t mean you need to bring one.
Guidelines to help you with a plus-one dilemma:
1. You’re invited with a plusone, and you’re not in a serious relationship.
Ask the bride or groom whether there will be other people you know, single or coupled, there. Then think long and hard about whether you want to bring a date, because you might have more fun without one. You never know who you might meet at the wedding; matchmaking aside, you might have more fun with the people you already know –
and the new friends you’ve yet to meet – than with an almostsignificant other. The setting can also put undue pressure on a casual relationship, for example, it may not last until the big day or going to a wedding together could be too serious for where you are in the relationship.
2. You’re invited without a plus-one, and you’re in a serious relationship.
If you won’t know many people at the wedding and genuinely would feel more comfortable with a date, you might be able to finagle a plusone if there’s room. While etiquette experts may say you shouldn’t explicitly ask for a plus-one, the happy couple may not know your relationship has progressed to that level. You could phone the bride or groom and say: ‘‘I totally understand if this isn’t possible and might even be mildly inappropriate, but is it possible for James to get an invite?’’ If it’s not possible, try to remember that this is about the couple, so you have a choice: go on your own, or decline.
3. You’re invited with a plusone, and you’re in a serious relationship.
Think long and hard about whether you want to bring a date. The invite might be automatic, but the answer need not be. Many people prefer to attend weddings alone, treating it as ‘‘me time’’, particularly if their partner is not very social, or doesn’t know the happy couple so is likely to get bored. You can reminisce with old friends without feeling anxious that your spouse isn’t ‘in’ on personal jokes, or befriend other guests.
4. You’re invited with a significant other, RSVP, then break up before the big day?
Check with the bride or groom before substituting in your best friend, in case they have someone else they want to squeeze in.
5. You’re invited without a plus-one, and you’re not in a serious relationship.
Go, have fun, and don’t whine about not having a date, even though being single at a wedding can be hard because the event is all about being paired off. You have been asked to participate in a larger moment, so don’t indulge in ‘‘boohoo’’ emotions on the day. Think of the wedding as the ultimate single person’s challenge. How many new people can you talk to? How many new friends or business contacts can you make?