Bridesmaid? Thanks, but no thanks
Weddings are an exciting time for people getting married. If those people are your friends, they might ask you to share their joy by being part of the wedding party. But what if you don’t want to? Maybe you’re too busy or live too far away. Maybe you can’t afford it. Maybe you’re just not comfortable being part of a wedding party. Can you say no to the person who just asked you to celebrate what’s probably one of the most important days of their lives? And, if so, how do you decline so you don’t ruin your friendship? Etiquette experts Lizzie Post and Elaine Swann help you navigate this delicate situation with ease and class.
Ask for some time to decide
In the hustle and bustle of wedding excitement, you may immediately be inclined to say yes. It’s OK to ask for some time to think about the request as it’s a big commitment, both timewise and financially. Post says the request to be part of a wedding party should always be posed in a way to give the person a way out, but more often than not, that doesn’t happen. If you get a request via mail, you have more time to think about it before responding, compared with getting a phone call or being asked in person. Say
something like: ‘‘I’m so excited for you and I can’t wait to celebrate with you, but I need to check my calendar and finances to see if I can fully commit, so you get the wedding party that will support you the best.’’ How to say ‘no’
Although it might uncomfortable, you can be say ‘‘No’’, but you should provide a reason, so the other person can understand your perspective, Post says. Swann says one of the main reasons people decline is because of financial obligations that come with it. She recommends saying: ‘‘Thank you for the invitation, it would be my honour, however, I’m going to have to decline because . . .’’
What if they get upset?
Sometimes the engaged person may be disappointed you declined; they may have had a certain vision for their wedding with you in it, and now that has to change. Is your friendship over? Hopefully not, but you will the offer have to deal with the outcome of your choice. Keep it honest, empathise, reiterate why you can’t commit, then offer other ways to be there for them as a friend; perhaps do a special reading at the ceremony, handle the guest book or help out as a host. Tips for the engaged couple
If you’re expecting people to participate in your wedding party, be considerate of their financial situations and lifestyle. Ask them in a way that doesn’t make it sound like they have no other choice but to say yes. It’s also important to understand, as a couple, that as much as people do want to support you, sometimes realities make it difficult. For example, they might be struggling financially, or are new parents, or have just started a new career. - USA Today