Sport for the

Being stuck at home doesn’t mean you can’t exercise. Kevin Norquay takes a tongue-incheek look at the options.

You’re prowling the lounge like an angstridden tiger; the lack of sport is driving you up the wall, the news depressing to watch, Netflix keeps freezing with the internet overwhelmed by self-isolationists. You have to get out and do something energetic. But what?

Word from the Beehive is you can still get out for a walk, so surely a run, bike ride or mountain climbing is OK? Isolation is the key, staying two metres away from others, keeping interaction to a minimum, and wash your hands when you get home.

Hikers, hunters, mountain bikers and other outdoor enthusiasts are being asked to stay home while high-level coronavirus restrictions are in place.

The Government has said people can get outside and get some fresh air while the level 4 restrictions – which ask people to stay at home – are in place.

So, exercise on your own, while self-isolated, social distanced and without raising community ire, even if organised sport has been crippled by coronavirus. But if in doubt, don’t go out.

Ocean swimming

By ‘‘ocean’’, we mean large bodies of water, as public pools are closed. Oceans are best, as people get annoyed if you jump into their drinking water. Most of us have access to water, and togs, so easy peasy.

Cons: Some beaches can be dodgy, so you might need a surf lifesaver, or at worst emergency services. That would be bad. Also, there are sharks, eels, rips, cruise ships, skinny dippers and sand hoppers.

Rounders

Buy one of those sticks you can put a baseball on top of, and belt balls across the lawn. This works best if you have a bat, a stick and a golden retriever, or a brainy dog with boundless ball-fetching energy.

Cons: Without a dog, this is possibly more dull than sitting in the lounge wishing there was something good on TV. And you need a bat.

Penalty shootout

Useful, if you happen to be in the England football team, who are notoriously bad at penalties.

This is simply blasting a football into a net, rubbish bin, fence, window (less ideal) or garage door. Get a family member to be goalie. Family members aged 5 and under are best, as usually they are unable to prevent the goal.

Cons: Upset family member, and other parent. Risk of broken window.

Running

Some regard this as really, really boring. How so, when you could pass out at any second, be attacked by a dog, trip over a kerb, or get flattened by a car or cyclist? Where’s the boring in that? Also, you can play, ‘‘Have I got the energy left to get back home?’’ It’s even more exciting in Wellington, where the wind can come out of nowhere and flatten you.

Cons: You’ll need running shoes, a body suited to running, and non-chafing clothing.

Cycling

Be cool. Wear Lycra, hit the road and get fit all at the same time. But with cafes now closed, you won’t be able to flaunt your bodily assets so freely in public. Cycling is much easier on the body than running.

Angry motorists can be an issue. Tell them they should be at home.

Cons: If you don’t already have a bike, you may have left it too late. Bike shops are not generally regarded as essential services.