Goals are good, this year of all years

Your goals don’t need to set the world on fire, they just need to be things that give you a sense of moving forward, finds Karen Nimmo.

Reluctant to set goals this year? Fair call. If pandemic-smashed 2020 taught us anything, it’s that the best laid plans can go belly up. That you can end a year with every one of your goals in the did-not-achieve basket.

With Covid still hovering, and plenty of uncertainty ahead, it’s tempting to skip the goals for this year, to take a wait-and-see approach until pandemic life settles down.

But while we need to be adaptable – it’s the core skill of resilience – we also need to clock the difference between ‘‘going with the flow’’ and handing over our lives to fate.

How goal setting helps (or why it’s vital in 2021)

When people are struggling mentally, it’s often because they feel lost – they don’t know where they’re heading. And that’s a risky game because it can significantly impact their mood and anxiety levels.

The events of last year left a lot of people feeling rudderless, so it’s more important than ever to do what we can to get back on track, to do things that fuel hope. Because without hope we can slip into despair.

One of the best ways to reset yourself is to lay down goals. These don’t need to be set-the-worldon-fire goals (going too big may put you off); just things that give you a sense of moving forward.

Here’s how to hit the reset button.

When people are struggling mentally, it’s often because they feel lost and don’t know where they’re heading.

Separate your life into red and green

Write down the various aspects of your life, then divide them in half. Most things will fit into these two camps.

Red stands for all the things you can’t control (politics, the economy, the weather, when the vaccine’s coming, being sent into lockdown, other people’s vitriol on Twitter, and being turned down for a job).

Green stands for all the things you can (my health/nutrition/fitness, my unhealthy habits, seeking/applying for a job, finding a better job, reducing debt, tidying up my house, visiting my mother, starting a craft project, and writing/ drawing regularly.)

Zero in on your green list

Put the red list aside. Those are the things out of your control. Dwelling on them will only make you miserable.

Choose something from the green list that would make a difference to your life (and happiness levels) if you achieved it. That’s your goal. Improve my fitness. Lose weight. Have a better relationship with my parents. Spend more time on my favourite hobby or project. Spend less time with that super-negative friend. Save money or reduce debt. Quit drinking. Get my home organised. Warning: start with just one thing or you’ll be overwhelmed.

Wrap a routine around your goal

Routines – or habits – are hugely helpful for a person’s mental health, especially in uncertain times. Routines take away the angst of decisionmaking and make you feel grounded, more anchored. As James Clear, author of Atomic Habits says: ‘‘You do not rise to the level of your goals. You fall to the level of your systems’’.

Wrap a routine around your goal, preferably daily, but do what you can. Even if it’s as simple as making your bed every morning, doing the dishes every night, spending half an hour reading or on a creative project, catching up with your parents/ best mate every Monday night, going to the gym three times a week. The key is to establish a regular routine and stick to it.

Be boringly predictable

Be boring with your routines. Don’t skip or break them or give them up. You’ll come to rely on them; they’ll be comforting. When you have a bad day, you’ll have a sound base to return to. Be consistent and everyone will know that you’re serious, including you.

Practice self-compassion

This is the year for self-compassion. Actually, they all are. But many of us saw our dreams and plans die in the ditch last year. When you need to go easy on yourself, do it. And don’t feel guilty.

Dream small. Big can wait

Sure, it’s great to dream big. And aligning goals with your values, or what matters most to you, helps to make them stick. But if you’ve been struggling, don’t be too heavy about making everything match. Or shooting for the moon. There’s no point in deliberately setting yourself up to fail. Just set a goal that takes you in a helpful or healthy direction. Start small. Show up every day and you’ll be on your way.

Karen Nimmo is a registered clinical psychologist and life coach based in Wellington