Sweetness lacking in this animated disaster
My Sweet Monster (PG, 98 mins) Directed by Viktor Glukhushin and Maksim Volkov Reviewed by James Croot ★ 1⁄2
Bringing together the unlikely 90s and noughties trio of Pauly Shore, Haylie Duff and Napoleon Dynamite himself Jon Heder, this Russian-made animated nightmare should really only be sought out by Millennials seeking a laugh, or a nostalgia hit.
Certainly parents should avoid taking the primary schoolers to this bizarre combination of Beauty and the Beast, Tangled and Frozen
– that almost literally combines the latter’s Sven and Kristoff into one character – even if it is one of the few cinematic options for under-10s these school holidays.
Maybe something has been lost in translation, but this tale of a fearless teenage princess, magical waters and an evil junior mail sorter never really gets out of first gear.
To make matters worse, it’s a musical – of sorts – allowing us the ‘‘pleasure’’ of hearing a seemingly permanently flat (surely deliberately, I hope) Shore strain through a series of expositional verse and chorus snippets that, by the second instalment, will really feel akin to nails on a chalkboard.
That’s when his malevolent and narcissistic Bundy Joyce isn’t sexually harassing Duff’s Princess Barbara, or threatening the milquetoast monarch who is also her father.
For her part, Barbara is counting the days until the heroic Prince Edward will spring her from her boring, adventureless life. After all, he’s responded promptly to all of her correspondence inspired by reading about his exploits, so surely he feels the same way about her that she does about him?
A ‘‘rescue’’ soon would be nice too, because, having already lost her mother, the King is desperate to protect Barbara from the dangers of the world – much to her frustration. ‘‘You bought me a pony and you won’t even let me ride it,’’ she states, before adding, ‘‘Why don’t you put me in a glass jar?’’
Tension surrounds her 16th birthday when the King demands she wear a particular dress that is most definitely not her style. However, that’s the least of her worries when the big day finally comes.
Bundy has gatecrashed the party, discovered the secret source of the King’s unique powers and blackmails him into giving him Barbara’s hand in marriage. She though, has other ideas, escaping Julia Roberts-style into the nearby forest. But while she manages to give Bundy the slip, she runs straight into another kind of trouble.
Cue slapstick, eco-mumbojumbo about Mother Earth, one really good twist that almost threatens to redeem things and a ruinously ploddingly predictable showdown that has been liberally lifted from Disney’s Jungle Cruise.
A movie that should surely extinguish Shore’s ‘‘lingering popularity’’ in countries like Uzbekistan, Yemen and the Democratic Republic of the Congo, do yourself – and your kids – a favour and give this a wide berth.
My Sweet Monster is now screening in select cinemas nationwide.