The business of dying:
A new series starting on TVNZ 1 this week looks at a couple who cope with death on a daily basis. Kerry Harvey reports.
New documentary looks at a New Zealand funeral business.
There’s an old saying about nothing being more certain than death and taxes so, when he was looking for a secure job, Francis Tipene opted to be a funeral director.
“It’s a service that all people will require one day,” he says, adding that it is also one most people know little about.
The series The Casketeers is aimed at changing that.
It offers a never-before-seen insight into the funeral process, from the initial phone call, through embalming, dressing, lying in state, services of every shape and form, and eventual burial. The series also focuses closely on the relationship between Francis and his wife and business partner, Kaiora.
“When the producer came to us, one of our desires was to normalise death and start talking about it, not necessarily making it an important part of your life, but to at least start having conversations,” Francis says.
Kaiora admits they were nervous initially about the project.
“It’s a delicate subject for many and it’s something people do not want to talk about but, at the same time, we hope that this show does demonstrate that respect we have for families we care for,” she says.
Francis, 31, and Kaiora, 32, run their own successful funeral directing business, with two busy branches in the Auckland suburbs of Onehunga and Henderson.
Both from Northland, the pair met at Te Wananga o te Takiura (Maori Training College) where Francis was learning te reo, in which he is fluent, and she was studying teaching. Their four sons – Nikora, 12, Moronai, 10, Mikae, three, and Mihaka, two – are regular visitors to the funeral home and, so far at least, see nothing strange in what their parents do for a living.
“I don’t think they know anything else at the moment,” Francis says,
adding as babies the kids went to work with their parents.
“When people came in to make arrangements, we’d hand the baby over. The babies would be passed around to the families to hold while we were dressing the body, while we’re making the caskets and all that.
“I feel terrible saying this, but we found it was quite soothing for them to the point where I’m happy to have another baby to help heal the grief of the country.”
The last comment is a joke and typical of Francis who is a long way from the stereotypical image of the sombre-clad cadaverous undertaker so common in books and movies.
While never anything but respectful to his clients, he jokes with his staff and uses his substantial singing and guitar talents for the greater good.
He readily admits that spending every day surrounded by grieving families and tragedy can be stressful for everyone who works at the funeral home.
“We eat a lot together as a staff. I’ve been told by other funeral home owners, ‘Gosh, Francis, you spoil your staff’, but when we are eating a meal together we’re talking about work,” he says.
“You do take every little bit of grief on board, but as long as we can bring it up and talk about it and share our feelings that’s all we want.
“We don’t want people to hold it in and take it home to their own family.”
Given the nature of the seven-days-a-week job, there is little respite for Francis and Kaiora, who not only takes care of all the financial side of the business but has also just qualified as a funeral director in her own right.
“Today’s my day off,” says Francis, “and I’m not doing any funerals but a gentleman just came and was hounding the receptionist to talk to me and would only talk to me.
“I had no choice but to go down there and talk to him, to put his mind and thoughts at rest so we could organise his wife’s funeral.”
Francis and Kaiora agree that working together is one of the best facets of their job – but it can also be one of the downsides as well.
“The worst thing is the effect the work has on our relationship in terms of the business and finances and everything,” says Francis.
“For some reason it gets between us. Everything else in the middle
is magic.”
“We hope that this show does demonstrate that respect we have for families we care for.” – Kaiora Tipene with husband Francis