What’s in a last name?
Nicola Brennan-Tupara was always going to keep her name when she got married.
It reflected her father’s Irish ancestry and she wasn’t prepared to give that up.
It was a choice she made for herself – but not for her kids – after consulting with husband Dion Tupara on the topic.
‘‘I was almost 30 when I got married, so I was already well established as Nicola Brennan. It was a part of my identity.
‘‘But I loved my husband’s strong Ma¯ ori name, so thought I’d combine the two.’’
The couple have three-year-old twins, Rory and Caleb, who only have Tupara’s last name.
‘‘It was my decision to make for me about my identity with Brennan,’’ Brennan-Tupara said.
‘‘They [the boys] don’t have that, so it was important for them to have their father’s name, and not be given a hyphenated name that can be quite annoying.’’
Often, the discussion for women begins before kids – even before marriage. Are you going to keep your last name? Will you hyphenate?
Why doesn’t he just take your name?
Society and traditional historic norms have for centuries dictated the surnames we use.
Brennan-Tupara said women give up a lot of their individual selves when they become wives and mothers, so they shouldn’t be forced to give up their names as well.
‘‘It shouldn’t just be assumed that the wife will take her husband’s name if she’s not comfortable with that. It should be something that’s on the table for discussion as a rule when you get married.’’
Tupara said it was never an issue for him and he was just happy they all share the Tupara name.
‘‘It is important to me as a family that we had that [last name] in common.’’
Once upon a time we were all like royalty: Charles, Harry, Cher, Madonna, Prince.
Last names were incorporated into names in the early Middle Ages. As populations expanded and towns grew, there was a need to differentiate between two people with the same first name.
There were roughly four categories: patronymic, locative, occupational, or status.
Patronymic names are based on a father’s name, so John, the son of Richard, becomes John Richardson – or even just Richards.
Locative could relate to where people grew up; for example, Tom York hailed from York.
Occupational or status could refer to a blacksmith, so Stephen Smith, or a knight, so Terry Knight. Historically, in the British Isles, double-barrelled surnames might have developed to recognise inheritance, especially where property or a title was involved, or to ensure a surname continues to exist, New Zealand Genealogist editor Bruce Ralston said.
He said an ancestor of his was born Alexander McDougall and inherited the estate of his uncle – on provision under the will he added the surname Ralston. This was generally not hyphenated.
‘‘In some cases, people with common surnames like Smith and Jones might have hyphenated another surname to help distinguish them. And most of this would have been informal rather than under legal direction.’’
Ralston said the modern practice of hyphenating surnames or giving hyphenated or doublebarrel surnames to offspring is not based on any particular structure.
Brennan-Tupara said feminism is about choices.
She said you shouldn’t be forced to change your last name just because generations have done so before.
‘‘Just do what you feel is right. There’s no rule saying you have to take your husband’s name.
‘‘I think each relationship is different, so have that discussion and see what other options are there.
‘‘Even 10 years ago, it was probably uncommon. We women should also have a voice and keep our identity as well.’’