Bleak spiral of bullying
The 12 year old waited for her parents and two sisters to go to bed.
She then crept into the kitchen and took an unknown number of prescription pills and paracetamol.
Her father couldn’t figure out why his little girl would try to kill herself.
There had been clues, though. Once, her voice echoed down the hallway of the family’s Hamilton home. But in a matter of weeks, she became reserved and stopped singing.
She started losing weight – not drastically, but enough for her parents to be worried. And she became increasingly self-critical.
Three weeks before the suicide attempt, the father took the girl to the family doctor to seek treatment for obsessive-compulsive tendencies and symptoms that resembled depression.
Her willingness to accept help was a sign she was getting better, or so her parents thought.
But it would soon become clear to the family that bullying was the cause of her problems.
She had been bullied for two years, both physically and psychologically, at school and at dance class.
Those allegations, however, have been denied by the youngster’s school and her dance school.
The Waikato Times has chosen to withhold the names of the family and the institutions involved in order to protect the child’s identity.
Even so, the family wants the story told in an effort to protect other children from bullying. And there seem to be plenty of those.
Earlier this year, international data revealed that 15 year olds in New Zealand reported the secondhighest rate of bullying out of 51 countries.
The finding is included in the third volume of data from the OECD’s latest three-yearly survey.
The survey is part of the Programme for International Student Assessment (Pisa), which was carried out in 2015.
Answers from New Zealand showed just over a quarter of the students who took part reported being subject to some type of bullying at least a few times a month.
Bullying has been the bone of contention for the Hamilton family for the past two years, and in September, the father was served with two trespass notices. He is not allowed at the school or the dance school.
He regrets his actions, but questions what other parents in his situation would have done.
The week after his daughter’s suicide attempt, he drove to the dance school and demanded to speak to the teacher who allegedly mocked his daughter’s dance moves.
The teacher’s comments encouraged other students to do so, he said.
He then singled out a child he alleged bullied his daughter and asked her whether she was happy his daughter was hospitalised.
‘‘If she died, you would have been responsible,’’ he told the child.
The dance school had him trespassed, and the girl’s school followed suit based on the dance school incident, according to the father.
But he justified the outburst, saying it was in response to his daughter’s diary, found in August, the day after she was admitted to Waikato Hospital.
In it, the extent of her torment was revealed. But most concerning was a letter within the diary that she intended would be her last: Dear Mum and Dad Nobody loves me
Don’t be sad if I die because I’ll be happy
I’ll be in a better place and I won’t be annoying anybody
Excerpts from the diary included anecdotes of being chased to the toilet block and mocked. One child said she looked like an old lady’s [genitals]. Another made fun of her eczema. The torment was constant.
‘‘She was tired of being called names, tired of not having any friends, tired of being ostracised,’’ her father said. ‘‘She was tired of not feeling wanted and she didn’t want to live anymore. She basically gave up.’’
She spent a night in hospital and was allowed to return home the next day.
On the Monday, she told her parents she felt well enough to return to school.
But later that morning, the father got a call from the school office.
He arrived to find his daughter in a room semi-conscious. She had swallowed prescriptions pills and paracetamol she hid from her parents after the first attempt to harm herself.
An ambulance was called and she was kept under observation at Waikato Hospital, where the decision was made by doctors to admit her to Starship Hospital.
She spent a week in Auckland before returning to Hamilton, where she spent a further two days in respite care.
The father says he tried to engage with the school as far back as term two of 2016 to address concerns his daughter was being bullied. He says he was fobbed off and told it was a case of ‘‘kids being kids’’.
The school disputes his claims. The principal and its board of trustees chairperson emailed a written statement.
‘‘The school had provided all possible assistance to the student and family at the time the issues arose,’’ the statement read.
‘‘As far as the school was aware, the matter was resolved some months ago.’’
In an earlier email, the principal declined to comment on any concerns of bullying by the family.
‘‘I have told you that the family are all under mental health agencies with severe mental health issues,’’ the email said.
Both the principal and the chairperson refused several requests for a face-to-face interview.
The dance school owner initially agreed to respond to questions, but then hired a lawyer to answer any questions.
In a six-page document, Hamilton lawyer James Carter says his client was not aware of any bullying that happened at the dance school.
‘‘[T]he allegation that [the daughter] was subject to such behaviour by staff is untrue and it follows no teacher has been identified nor subject to any disciplinary action,’’ Carter’s written response said.
‘‘The dance school has always had, and will continue to have, a zero tolerance [to bullying].’’
The Ministry of Education deputy secretary of sector enablement and support Katrina Casey said the ministry takes allegations of bullying seriously.
Casey said the Hamilton principal involved in the allegations contacted the ministry ‘‘after an incident involving one of its students on school grounds earlier this year’’.
‘‘[School name removed] is an active participant in the schoolwide positive behaviour for learning programme Positive Behaviour 4 Learning, which includes restorative practices,’’ Casey said.
‘‘Bullying is an extremely complex issue and schools aren’t required to notify us of incidences of bullying.’’
In a statement from police, a spokeswoman said police were not able to comment on specific individuals. She confirmed that the father was issued two trespass notices.