I wish I was as smart as my TV

Netflix – it’s revolutionised the way we view films, TV series and documentaries, right? Well, maybe, but already the subscriber streaming channel appears to be running into trouble. For the second successive quarter, Netflix has failed to meet subscriber growth forecasts by one million. Its stock fell by 14 per cent on announcement of the news.

Apparently, Netflix’s ambitious programme of expensive new content is predicated on continually expanding its subscriber base. Hence the problem.

I have to admit here that I’m a bit ambivalent about all streaming offerings. While I thoroughly enjoyed Netflix’s marvellous series The Crown, and am eagerly looking forward to the next series, I do sometimes get frustrated trying to track down things I would like to watch.

We have access to both Netflix and Lightbox, thanks to them being offered for free by the utilities we use – yes, I’m unashamedly tight-fisted – but in spite of having a zillion programmes at my fingertips, I often find it difficult to track down the one I particularly want to watch.

I find the search engines less than user-friendly and, when you draw a blank on a particular item you’re searching for, you’re left unsure whether the service doesn’t have that particular film in its library, whether you’re not looking in the right place, or whether a series you had earmarked for future viewing has subsequently been withdrawn.

I often finish up watching instead an interesting historical documentary series, such as The Seven

Wonders of the Industrial World, simply because they’re easier to track down. I certainly don’t rely on Netflix’s ‘‘top picks for Derek Burrows’’ – at the moment they’re offering me an endless list of American cop shows (I don’t watch any of those either online or on TVNZ/Sky) and The Simpsons

Movie. Another programme I never watch. Until recently I thought the Homer everyone was talking about was the Greek poet who wrote

The Iliad. I thought he had a strange haircut. It confirms my view that Netflix’s linking of offerings to previous viewing habits is bizarre. Because I watched the series Trump: An American

Dream, Netflix seems to think I would therefore want to watch a documentary about Lady Gaga or a doco called Take Your Pills.

I immediately became suspicious and thought Netflix must have hacked into my medical records but, no, it was a documentary about the use of drugs in competitive sport. However, the combination of gaga and pill popping makes me think they are trying to send me a message about my advancing age, probably making a judgment based on my many unsuccessful search attempts.

On top of my searching difficulties (maybe that should be learning difficulties), I find there are other disincentives to watching programmes online. Despite having ultrafast broadband and a so-called smart TV, we occasionally suffer from buffering problems. There’s nothing more frustrating than watching the Queen open her mouth to chastise Prince Philip over his latest misdemeanour and having to wait several minutes to hear what reprimand comes out.

There are days when I almost wish I could go back to just a couple of terrestrial channels and checking the newspaper’s TV page to see if there was anything you wanted to watch. And if there wasn’t, you simply picked up a book.

Maybe that’s why I’ve recently rediscovered the joys of library membership and found some excellent books to read.

Who knows, one day soon I might even read

I need to find out who Bart is.