Men: don’t stand by, stand up

Michele A’Court

If you are one of the people who watched Dr Christine Blasey Ford testify before the Senate Judiciary Committee nine days ago, and it sounded like a story you also have, then I’d like you to make yourself a cup of something soothing. These words are for you.

There will be quite a few of you. We know this now because when #MeToo went viral, two things happened: we felt simultaneously less alone, but also horrified to discover that so many others had endured what we had endured. It was a revelation to see so many names of friends and acquaintances who had similar stories which – for similar reasons – had never been told.

It must have been seeing names beside #MeToo that shocked us, because we already knew the numbers: 24 per cent of women, 6 per cent of men.

Kim McGregor has been the Chief Victims Advisor to the government since 2015. She is appointed by, and accountable to, the Minister of Justice. At a recent event, McGregor reported that out of 100 sexual assaults, only nine are reported to police. Which means 91 per cent of our stories are yet to be told. On average, it takes women who have experienced sexual assault 16 years to speak out.

Brett Kavanaugh is accused of sexually assaulting Dr Ford 35 years ago. Being accused would be a horrific experience if you were innocent. Doubtless, it would be a terrible experience even if you were guilty. But in relative terms, neither of those things happens very often. Only 3 per cent of sexual assault cases in New Zealand make it to court.

So, statistically, it is unlikely that men in your orbit – guilty or innocent – will have to deal with this.

Statistically, it is likely that many women in your orbit have a story very much like Dr Ford’s, and are thinking about it now while drinking a cup of something I hope is soothing.

You have probably talked with good men about all this and they will have pointed out that they are not one of the men who do these things, and they don’t like to be lumped in with the bad guys. But you also know that when you are moving around the world, it is your job to assume that all men are dangerous. That’s why, as a small example, you don’t go out for walks alone at night.

And you might find yourself thinking that, if it is not all men (and it isn’t), it would be helpful if the men who are good would identify themselves by being an active bystander – stepping in, speaking up, interrupting bad behaviour. In which case, I think you make a good point.

Jeremy Elwood

Funny thing: when you’ve been writing an opinion column for a while, you can almost predict the responses before you start. In this case, the case of Brett Kavanaugh, I’m guessing there will be a lot of ‘‘who cares?’’ a fair dose of ‘‘who dat?’’ and a sprinkling of ‘‘why does it matter?’’

I see your point. Brett Kavanaugh is an overseas story about a man who may or may not have done something wrong decades ago that he has or has not lied about in a job interview.

Unfortunately, the job he’s going for is a lifetime appointment to the Supreme Court of the United States.

And that’s why I’m also sure there will be a handful of cries of ‘‘witch hunt’’.

I don’t know if he’s guilty or not, and neither do you. But the fact that there’s even a question around him is worrying. There are some jobs you shouldn’t be allowed to have with a cloud hanging over you, and the binding power to make – or un-make – fundamental laws is one of them. I’m a big believer in innocent until proven guilty, but I’m also a bit of a fan of ‘‘investigating’’ to work that out.

The reason this matters is that there will be some people who see this as part of a bigger problem: that no one, or more specifically no one man, is safe from accusations that can destroy a career or a reputation. But the Kavanaugh case shows just how easy it should be to prevent that happening.

Can you imagine the depths of collusion and cunning that a woman like Dr Ford would have to plunge to in order to fabricate the story she has told about Kavanaugh?

If she, or any woman, were able to create a fiction that couldn’t be totally blown out of the water by the most basic of investigations, then she’s a criminal mastermind of Moriarty-like genius.

In order to determine that, though, there needs to be an investigation in the first place. And in order for an investigation to mean anything, there needs to be a desire or willingness to listen, and to believe.

I’m sick and tired of having to defend my gender, but we do have a record. I know it’s not all men, but it’s enough.

So don’t be afraid of baseless accusations – lies are really hard to maintain. Instead, be afraid of the statistics that Michele has outlined; that for every story you hear about abuse and assault, there are nine more you’ll never hear.

Be proud of being one of the good guys. But be ready to stand up to the ones who aren’t.