Banks, lose the lemon face

Do you think there’s an international training school for bank staff where they teach them that face that says: ‘‘You may think it’s your money, but you’ve got to get through me to get at it’’? I recently went to a bank to ask if I could get some advice on the best account to invest a bit of money. You would have thought I had asked if the woman was OK laundering cash from my illegal dog-fighting operations before I invested it in terrorist activities.

After being advised that it was ‘‘all online’’, I asked to see one of the bank’s ‘‘special advisers’’. A bit more of the lemon-sucking face and I was told there were no appointments for 10 days.

Now, I should say this bank was in the UK. So, an appointment in 10 days was as useful as a chocolate teapot as I was heading back to New Zealand.

If this was any other business, people like me just wouldn’t put up with this kind of lousy customer service.

Note to bank: it’s my money; not yours. And I’m paying you for your services. Giving you a lot of money you don’t do much to earn. On the flip side, and a little nearer to home, I have a good bank story.

A couple of days before I left for the UK, my credit card suddenly just stopped working. I phoned my bank in a bit of a flap and, with a slightly shaky voice, explained I was about to leave the country and needed that card.

The person at the end of the phone was great. She put it through as an emergency request; waived the replacement fee and got the card couriered to me. Two days later, someone else from the bank phoned and checked that I’d received it.

More recently, someone scammed my credit card. The bank texted me overnight saying it had blocked some ‘‘unusual activity’’ and could I please call them. The nice lady calmed me down and again replaced the card asap.

My point is this: Banks, you need to keep upping your game and improving you customer service levels because people like me expect it.

Canstar’s annual customer satisfaction survey of New Zealand banks continues to find that customer service is the biggest driver of customer satisfaction, as opposed to offerings around fees, digital banking services or interest rates. If you were wondering, TSB got the best overall satisfaction rating.

Last year, the banking ombudsman handled nearly 4000 complaints, inquiries and disputes, up 14 per cent on the year before. We’re just not prepared to settle for poor service any more – especially when we see the profits banks are hauling in.

I know that you banks are well aware there are disruptors out there waiting, knocking on the bank vault door; and customers are happy to let them in if they can get a better service or a better deal.

Technological innovation means tech giants are now acting like big banks, offering banking services like Apple Pay and Google Pay. It won’t be long before disruption happens here.

I recently met a guy here who is already talking about setting up a low-fee, challenger bank. He assured me there’s nothing hard in banking aside from making people believe it’s hard, and very scary, to justify the huge fees and infrastructure.

I know there are security issues, global banking crises and all that; but there are smart people and technological advances out there, ready and waiting to shake things up.

So lose the lemon-face and start rolling out the red carpet for customers. Disruption is coming.