First child, first loss
When Amber McGrail is asked how many children she has, she makes sure to include CJ.
Her eldest son would be seven, in Year 3 at primary school, and he would have three younger siblings.
But CJ was stillborn at 22 weeks, after mum and dad were told their first child had spina bifida with Arnold-Chiari malformation.
McGrail admitted it took a long time for her to talk about her experience, but after having another miscarriage in March this year, she’s decided to organise an event that will take the taboo out of the topic.
McGrail was 21-years-old when she and her partner
Cam went to their first 20-week scan. Despite it being her first pregnancy, McGrail said she was anxious and had an ‘‘inkling’’ that something wasn’t right.
‘‘I asked the lady who did the scan about six times if everything was okay, and every time she said the baby was perfect.
‘‘She went out of the room to check the results of my kidneys and to call my midwife.
‘‘When she came back in, she quickly told us we were having a girl and that she was healthy.’’
McGrail and her partner, with excitement, went shopping and purchased a couple of items for their baby girl.
But upon leaving the shopping centre, she received a phone call from her midwife, who delivered the news that their unborn child had spina-bifida with ArnoldChiari malformation – a Type 2 Chiari malformation in which both the cerebellum and the brain stem extend into the base of the skull.
‘‘I remember feeling from the top of my head right down to my toes, a rush of panic.
‘‘I’d never felt anything like it before and I never want to feel it again,’’ McGrail said.
The pair found out CJ was a boy at a following appointment.
McGrail went into early labour and CJ was stillborn on May 20, 2011.
After a series of ‘‘traumatic’’ pregnancies, McGrail had three children: Harper, 5, Haven, 3, and Hudson, 16 months, but she said she was still flooded with emotions.
‘‘I was crazy,’’ she said. ‘‘I thought I was going to die and leave [my children] behind.
‘‘I remember crying to mum feeling guilty because I wasn’t over the moon.’’ And when she and Cam were expecting their fifth child this year, she suffered a miscarriage at 12 and a half weeks.
McGrail said many women go through similar situations but have no outlet to share their story, so she decided to create an event in which the aim is to do just that. Her Baby Loss and Awareness Evening will take place on Saturday, November 17 at 7pm, in the Tainui Room at Matamata’s Memorial Hall.
Guest speakers will be Cynthia Ward from True Colours Children’s Health Trust and Amber’s relative Bob McGrail, who has also lost a child.
‘‘I feel like I’ve been through this for a reason. If I could help one person then that would be great,’’ she said.
‘‘Even if the years have passed, please come along and share your story.’’
‘‘I remember crying to mum feeling guilty.’’ Amber McGrail