How to talk MJ to your kids in a post-documentary world
Until this week, Michael Jackson’s Billie Jean was the third track on a Spotify playlist that I often played for my little daughter, who loves to dance.
She’s barely a toddler, so she isn’t likely to notice the song’s sudden absence.
I won’t have to answer a child’s probing questions about the fallout of Leaving Neverland, the devastating, four-hour HBO documentary detailing allegations of Jackson’s prolonged sexual abuse of choreographer Wade Robson and former child star James Safechuck when they were boys.
But plenty of other parents are sure to face questions from Jackson’s youngest fans, who might be hearing that a cultural icon is now ‘‘cancelled’’, or wondering why a favourite song is suddenly off-limits.
The underlying moral and cultural questions raised by the documentary are hard enough for adults to fully grapple with; how should we have these conversations with our children?
I asked two experts in child psychology and parenting – Diane Levin, a clinical professor of applied human development at Boston University, and Peggy Drexler, a research psychologist and former professor at Cornell University and former scholar on gender at Stanford University – to share their thoughts on how parents might approach these issues with their children. The following has been edited for length and clarity. Q: Knowing that families might have different ideas about where to draw certain
lines, is it still OK to listen to Jackson’s music? How much detail to share about the allegations? What general guidance would you offer to parents who are thinking about how to address these topics with their children?
Drexler: I believe there’s a way to appreciate the art if not the artist, so I think fans can still listen to his music if they’d like. And if it makes them feel uncomfortable, they can stop.
But great art isn’t always made by great people, and being famous doesn’t automatically make someone ‘‘good’’, and I think that’s an important message to relay to kids.
Levin: I think it’s mostly important that kids know they can bring it to you and that you’ll listen to them and answer their questions.
If they ask, ‘‘Does this mean we can’t listen to him any more?’’ you might say: ‘‘Well, I’ve noticed that when I put Michael Jackson’s music on now, it doesn’t feel the same.
‘‘Should we not listen for a while, and see how that feels?’’ Working things out together is a brilliant model. Q: For younger children who might not hear anything about Leaving Neverland, these conversations might be initiated by a parent if a child asks to listen to a Michael Jackson song or brings him up in some other way; older kids might come to their parents with questions about what they’re hearing or reading. How should parents handle those conversations with both age groups?
Drexler:
You don’t want to scare kids, but you do want to prepare them. Talking about sexual abuse is like talking about sex: It should be a continual process, not a one-time event, and generally, begin before they spend extended periods outside
For older kids, talk about it at dinner or in the car. It’s a very important discussion, but you don’t have to make a big, formal deal out of it, which can scare kids.