PM needs to do some major hiring and firing
Well, I guess this was always going to happen. Jacinda and I had the first big fight of the relationship. And now I’m sitting here in furious, passive aggressive silence, waiting for an opportunity to dramatically sigh, ‘‘I’m not angry, I’m just disappointed.’’
We’re not dating in the real world, spoiler alert. But it’s definitely felt that way over the last week or so. More specifically, it’s felt like we’ve just come out of the honeymoon phase and I’ve just realised for the first time how nutty her extended family are.
And when I say family, I mean the bunch of nitwits responsible for the litany of cock-ups in managed isolation over the last fortnight.
You don’t need me to tell you what a frustrating, eye-rolling, phone-slamming, pillow-throwing, ‘‘oh FFS!’’-exclaiming day it was when we learned that someone had ticked off those two women travelling to Welly with Covid earlier this month. (Not that it’s the women’s fault, and as if being grief-stricken and ill wasn’t bad enough, now they’re the target of everyone’s misplaced rage . . .)
Since then, like all small arguments that start over the dishes and spiral out into relationshiprocking truths, it’s delivered all kinds of depressing stories. Like the fact that 51 out of 54 compassionate exemptions weren’t tested before leaving. And that, despite not being in government, Michael Woodhouse seems to know far more about what’s going on than David Clark does. And actually, David Clark still hasn’t got the memo on how to be a responsible minister, refusing to even accept an atom of blame for what’s happened.
And speaking of blame, it was also the first time I’ve ever felt mildly irritated with Jacinda herself when she dodged blame for the fiasco.
Now obviously, no-one actually thinks that she was the person sitting there signing people off, nor was she even probably aware of the circus show that was going down. And yes, I’d also be excessively pissy if all my excellent work as a Boss was undone by the team . . .
Yet she’s still the Boss. And I think it’s a time when everyone would have appreciated one of those, ‘‘Listen we both know I didn’t do this but let me symbolically accept some blame which is actually more of a reflection of the fact that I’M REALLY MAD AT MY TEAM’’ kinda apologies that good CEOs do when they know the company stuffed up. Which, to his credit, Ashley Bloomfield has nailed.
But still, like I said, I’m not mad, I’m just disappointed. And that’s because I think this has always been the problem with Jacinda’s Government. We fall for her, because she is stellar, only to be repeatedly let down by the fruit loops she’s got in the Cabinet. We had a hint of the fruitiness previously with the successive team stuffups ranging from the forgettable (Clare Curran’s meetings) to the inevitable (Phil Twyford’s Kiwibuild) to the continual (Iain Lees-Galloway’s everything . . .) But it wasn’t a global pandemic and a few ministers like Andrew Little were shiny enough for us to let it all go . . ., now, however, the stakes are higher.
Unlike Bill English, who inspired the kind of I’m-not-exciting-but-I’m-very-effective feelings we usually associate with Toilet Duck, Jacinda actually makes a lot of people care. She’s got buckets of personal star power, authenticity and the ability to make you feel personally like she’s looking after you. But that also means that right now, if she has an incompetent team who balls things up then we’re going to be helluva furious because we’re all deeply invested and s...-scared.
Not only that, but in the last 12 weeks we’ve had a brief glimpse of exactly how phenomenal her Government could be, especially under her ability to unite a nation under trusted leadership.
There was a point a few weeks ago when even staunch National voters, who ‘‘like a man who can read a balance sheet’’, would turn to me and freely say, ‘‘She’s doing a good job. Wouldn’t normally say this. But she is.’’ Which, for them, is practically a Shakespearean love sonnet. And in those shining moments you got a glimpse of exactly how magnificent her Government could be. But now, thanks to this mess, they’re all back to furious letter writing and that vision of great government has slipped away.
Now I’ll probably still vote for her, because if there’s one thing that she’s proved repeatedly over her tenure it’s that when the chips are down she’s the leader you need. And honestly, no-one knows Todd Muller from a carrot and he’s gotta do more than prove he can read a balance sheet. (So can Xero.)
But like any good CEO, she needs to do some major firing and hiring.
It’s felt like we’ve just come out of the honeymoon phase and I’ve just realised for the first time how nutty her extended family are.