Changing device habits without the meltdowns
New Zealand children spend too much time on digital devices, but cutting back is easier said than done. As part of a series on children and screen time, neuroscience educator and child development expert Nathan Wallis shares some tips with National Correspondent
Katie Kenny.
Without wanting to add to the ‘‘mountain’’ of guilt modern-day parents already take on, parenting expert Nathan Wallis says they’re right to be concerned about children’s screen time.
According to the Ministry of Health, children between the ages of two and five shouldn’t have more than an hour of screen time a day, and children under two shouldn’t be watching screens at all. However, research shows the average 2-year-old has about 11⁄2 hours per day of screen time, increasing to two hours by the time the child is nearly four.
Excessive screen time at a young age has been associated with poor physical and mental health, as well as learning and behavioural issues. Creating new ‘‘rituals’’ is a key way of cutting down, and being selective about screen time, Wallis says.
(This conversation has been edited for length.)
Given so many children exceed the recommended amount of screen time, should we be worried?
We know, from causative research, that screens are bad for children under the age of two. That’s just to do with the development of their vision. A screen is essentially a flashing light. Your frontal cortex constructs that into an image, but a baby’s can’t do that. So to a baby, a screen is just flashing lights. And flashing lights in front of a baby stimulate the ‘survival’ brain. Our job in the first couple of years is to keep the survival brain as calm as possible. It makes no sense to give screens to a baby. Handing a phone to a baby might keep them quiet but it’s not good for their brain.
After two, their vision has developed and it’s quite hard to get evidence that the screen itself is bad for the brain. Overall, it’s more the absence of things they’d otherwise be doing that’s the problem; building a hut, fighting with their brother, making up again. Missing out on those things is what seems to be associated with negative outcomes.
But we do know there’s a clear correlation between screen time and anxiety and depression in teenagers.
Why are we so bad at sticking to the guidelines? Are they unrealistic in today’s society?
I think it’s a lack of awareness. People assume because everyone else is doing it, it can’t be that bad. They’re just not aware that the kid who grows up staring at a screen all the time, that’s the kid who’s going to lack impulse control, get in trouble at school, that’s the kid who has no dimmer switch because their brain has been conditioned to seek instant gratification.
My background is working with childhood trauma. A lot of the children I work with, who are extremely delayed socially, their parents use the screen as a babysitter all the time. The kid becomes difficult to deal with, so the parents can’t control him, and the only time he’s quiet is when he’s in front of a screen. Then it snowballs.
So, how do families go about reducing screen time?
I think it’s good to have a plan for
your family around screen time because otherwise you fall into this cycle of giving them the screen more than you want to and then feeling really guilty about it. And parent guilt is such a massive mountain, who wants to add to that?
I have grandchildren [aged six and four], so I understand the practicalities of being exhausted at the end of the day. I don’t think parents should beat themselves up about having some screen time. In fact, I’d make the kids’ screen time at a time that’s most convenient for you. Choose the times you’re most likely to lose your rag.
The trick is to use ritual. Have device-free times, device-free zones. It’s only difficult to enforce those things . . . for the first 90 times, really. Kids work very much on repetition, brains work very much on repetition.
What if my child is used to turning on the TV, or the gaming console, as soon as they wake up in the morning?
Ideally, they shouldn’t be getting up and going onto a screen first thing in the morning. I might wean them off it by saying, once they’ve brushed their teeth and made their bed and packed their lunch, with the available time left, they can play.
I’d emphasise, you don’t want to just make hard-and-fast rules with your kids. Telling them to shut up and do as their told, because you’re the boss, doesn’t produce children with good self-regulation. When you include kids in the boundary-setting, by asking what they think and whether there are times of the day that are really important for them to be online . . . they’re far more likely to actively practise balance and boundaries.
If you can possibly have it that their bedroom is device-free, that solves so much stuff right there. You don’t even have to put in very many other boundaries. There are so many good side effects – the kid associates the bedroom with sleep; you’re able to monitor what they’re doing more easily; the bedroom is the ideal place to have one-on-one, meaningful conversations.
Any other tips about encouraging device-free spaces?
With my children, we didn’t use devices in the car. I found when I picked them up from school, I wanted to find out what was happening, where their minds were at, and fill them in on stuff. I was looking forward to seeing them and I didn’t want them having their heads in a screen. So we made the car device-free, just for short trips. That didn’t work at all for long trips.
Of course, if that’s a big change for your family, there will be a couple of weeks of sulking. So try to be as positive as possible. Maybe turn up with some home baking, so they’re excited about that and not disappointed about not being allowed on their devices. Or maybe stop at the park on the way home. Anything to help them establish that ritual.
But what if my child is watching educational shows, for example. Surely that’s OK?
Even watching Sesame Street, when your four-year-old appears to be interacting with the Cookie Monster, it’s a fake interaction. If you had your child hooked up to a brain scanner, you’d see the brain hasn’t been fooled at all, because it hasn’t engaged the interactive centres. Interaction is a delicate, multi-faceted process. The kid will have to ignite his language centres to call out the answers, this brain pattern is very different from one during face-to-face interaction.
It’s not that all screen time is bad. TV can be a good way to relax. And it can be really educational. There’s some good quality content that teaches you stuff in an hour that your ancestors even 100 years ago would have had to devote an entire lifetime to learning.
And it’s not like technology is going away. It’s not like we’re going to have a future where we don’t have screens. So we have to find a way to work with technology but in a way that’s biologically respectful, I suppose.