Chiaki Fenemore

ENGINEERING STUDENT The summer before my second year at uni I went on holiday with a few of my friends, all girls. I remember looking back at photos of us together and realising that I looked very out of place. I was trying to fit in, but it was glaringly obvious to me that I was not going to be one of these girls. I started transitioning a few months later. I felt my whole life that something was not quite right, but that was when I worked everything out.

Before that year’s engineering ball, I was saying, “I don’t have anything to wear so I’m not going to go.” Then my birthday came up a month or so later, and my friends had put together a little bit of money each, saying, “Here’s some money for a suit.” I ended up taking a couple of friends to help me choose, and went to the ball the following year.

I felt a lot more confident than perhaps if I’d worn a dress, which I have worn to a ball in the past. If the ball that I wore a suit to was one of the most empowering experiences of my life, the ball where I wore a dress was probably the most uncomfortable.

It is a pretty standard blue suit, but the shirt and tie are are a bit different. The idea was just to stand out a bit more. It’s easier to express yourself with clothes. I’m not a very outspoken person, but I’ve actually been very open with my transition. I’m quite comfortable talking about it, and very happy to open up and say: “This is who I am and this is what I’m doing with my life.” Clothing comes into that quite a lot.

I’m quite a small person, I’m only about 5ft1, so clothes usually are much too big or long. I roll the cuffs of my jeans quite a few times so everything looks a little bit too big. Wearing a suit that actually fits properly in all the right places and is the right length is really quite hard to explain. It makes you feel like you belong. Like you’re not different.