BEN AFFLECK
The actor tells Michele Manelis about the words that changed his life — and what he wants from that life after divorce and battling alcoholism
You play a basketball coach in The Way Back — did you have a mentor/coach when you were growing up?
I had a drama teacher in high school who was very much a mentor figure, a father figure, somewhere between a peer and a parent. When I was close to graduating high school, he took me aside and said, “I think you have a shot at acting. It’s hard and it’s a lot of struggle but I want to encourage you to continue.” And that conversation probably had the single biggest impact on my career. During the ensuing years when I was kicking around and auditioning and trying to get a job and often feeling frustrated and rejected, thinking that it was never going to work, I remembered those words and they meant a huge amount to me.
Have you ever been a sports coach?
Well, I coached my [8-year-old] son’s little league team last year and that was about the right level for me.
In making this movie about an alcoholic who lost his wife and family over his addiction, did it make you reflect on the kind of man you want to be now?
It’s an evolving process. As you get older and think a lot about what sort of person you want to be, I think ultimately, the most important biography that’s written about any of us is the one that we leave behind in the hearts and minds of our children. So, being a father is the most important thing to me.
And trying to make as few parenting mistakes as possible. It’s inevitable but that’s the most important thing to me.
What are your priorities these days?
Being sober is very important to me, being honest is important to me, being humble is important to me. Treating other people with respect is really important to me. And it’s also important that I understand and accept life on life’s terms; that things are going to change and to be accepting of that and to be able to deal with the changing seasons of life.
In playing an alcoholic, did you ever feel in danger of relapsing? You would have had to simulate similar bad habits which could have taken you backwards?
They call it a disease of chronic relapse and there’s no way to know. It’s important to be mindful that the whole key to sobriety is recognising that the potential for relapse exists. You see people who are 20 years, 30 years sober relapse. And it’s scary and it’s complicated. And people aren’t even sure exactly why that happens. But in answer to your question, if I’m drinking a fake beer in a movie or going to dinner with someone and they have a drink, no, those things don’t trigger me. It’s deeper and more complicated than that. There are definitely things that are acutely and specifically painful for me around the process of recovering from addiction. It’s one step forward, two steps back.
People relapse for different reasons, of course. Well, yes. The central issues, for me, are just around accepting the fact that I will never be able to drink normally. You have to give up the ghost of that fantasy because once the mind becomes addicted to something, it can’t unlearn that addiction. And accepting that fact, I would say, has probably has been the most important thing for me personally.
This movie is very painful to watch at times, especially when your character is dealing with his ex-wife.
Yes. For a lot of people, divorce is the single most challenging thing they will go through in their life. And divorce is hard, it’s painful. And particularly with children involved. And I have had my own experience with that.
What do you hope people walk away with after watching The Way Back?
I guess if there’s any specific ambition or hope I have for the movie in terms of its themes, particularly around grief and alcoholism, it’s that we can recover from and overcome difficulties and we can overcome even the hardest of times. And that, that’s not what defines you. I love that it’s a message of hope and inspiration and that you can overcome difficulty. I didn’t want to make a movie that was like a lecture. I don’t think any alcoholics want to see that and I don’t think any people who aren’t alcoholics want to see that. I think you want to see a human story, a story about someone who you can identify with and maybe see part of yourself in their life.