Essential Guide
PLANT THE SEED QUARANTINI
Frequently relegated to a footnote in the life of her husband, when Anne Hathaway’s relationship to William Shakespeare is remembered it is often as the older woman who lured a younger man to her bed, forcing a wedding march to the altar, before her shrewish behaviour drove him from Stratford to London. There is scant evidence for the former and less for the latter.
So Irish author Maggie O’farrell crafts a rich and deeply rewarding fictionalised alternative history inspired by the brief life and death of Anne and William’s son, Hamnet, who gave his name — or
Start typing a sentence into Google and you’re offered a selection of suggestions for its completion, which is also a rich source of insight into human behaviour. GREG BRUCE has compiled a list. This week: “How to be ... ”
... happy
This is predictable enough, if unanswerable. Aristotle thought he’d said everything about happiness thousands of years ago, for instance, but we now know he failed to mention gratitude journalling.
If you click on this suggestion, the first result is a listicle from Psychology Today, titled “23 ways to be happier”. It’s the usual collection of goal-setting, quick wins, mindfulness, perspective, and Twitter avoidance. For all his qualities, Aristotle never understood the listicle.
... happy in life
This is surely redundant. Where else do you want to be happy? In the laundry? Ridiculous.
... single
Surprising, coming so high up the list, but this is probably influenced by the 2016 Hollywood movie of the same name. One good way to be single would be to make your partner watch it with you. Another good way would be to text your wife from your private workspace, asking her to type “how to be” into Google and send you a screenshot of the autocomplete suggestions, even when you know she doesn’t know how to take a screenshot on her new phone, and you also know she is struggling to take care of three a version of it — to one of the most celebrated plays ever written.
While the novel is named for the boy, O’farrell’s focus is his parents’ relationship and Elizabethan domesticity — not so much the cosy and comfortable, but the real and redolent.
She muses on possibilities
(as probable as those written by predominantly male academics in supposed non-fiction accounts) that it was the young Will who glimpsed a woman unlike any he had ever seen before and pursued her. O’farrell asks: what if Anne was independent and resourceful, imbued chaotic and sometimes violent children during a Level 4 lockdown.
... come rich
Everyone knows the way to become truly rich is to love deeply, be grateful for what you have and do work that matters. Lol! Not really! The way to become truly rich is to borrow some money and buy a doer-upper not too far from the city, preferably in 2003.
The fact this suggestion appears below “how to become rich” is a rich source of insight into our present moment.
... pretty
I suggest not clicking on this suggestion, which will take you a page full of depressing results, the third of which is particularly noteworthy: “How to Be Pretty if You Are Unfortunate With Your Looks”. On first glance, this appears to be oxymoronic, but on further examination it’s just offensively stupid.
... cool
Many factors go into making someone cool, but arguably the most important is never googling “How to be cool”. By coincidence, earlier in the day, long before I had any idea this result would show up here, I had asked my wife whether I’m cool. She said: “Oh God, what’s wrong?” followed by: “Can you please get the Vogel’s out?”
... come a lawyer nz
... come a justice of the peace nz
“How to be…” Such a hopeful opening, able to go in so many interesting directions, neither of which are these two. with a freedom and fierceness that captivated and intrigued? What if it were Anne — whose name might not have been Anne at all, here she is called Agnes — who encouraged her husband to live and work in London to forge a more satisfying life for all of them? What if Anne’s life was just as fulsome as her husband’s?
The result is a truly outstanding novel that will challenge and change the way we view the life and times of the West’s most enduring playwright but, more significantly, prompt us to reconsider the role of the women who have all too often remained in the shadows. — Dionne Christian
Hamnet
By Maggie O’farrell (Hachette, $38)
S.O.S WINE DELIVERY
The Hunting Lodge knows how to iron out life’s wrinkles. For the lockdown the West Auckland institute has an online service for its award-winning wine. It also has local cider. Free contactless delivery within 48 hours available for local customers (outer West Auckland, central Auckland and North Shore suburbs). Otherwise, it’s 1-3 days delivery outside Auckland, $5 for North Island and $15 for South Island.
thehuntinglodge.com
S.O.S CAFFEINE HIT
I’ll have a double shot espresso in my keep cup, thanks, said no one anywhere in the past three weeks. But make your own kitchen a cafe and roleplay being a barista and a customer. Order a coffee and answer yourself with pleasantries, like “Sure thing. You look nice today — I like the Ugg boots paired with the trackies. Nice!” Allpress Espresso is back online and selling coffee, and has put together three at-home packages. The Home Brew bundles include sexy Kalita glass jars, filters and coffee so good you’ll feel like you stuck your finger in a light socket. And shipping is free on any orders over $60, on the website, so all are delivered free.
To Count My Blessings
It is 5am and I can’t stop thinking of children in Syria the slums of Brazil, London’s underground the rule breakers, the wife beaters the lost jobs, the new born babies the front line workers, the people who spit, the parties on roofs the nameless days, the dead How can I sleep?
How can I stop counting?
It is 5am and I am waiting in the dark to count my blessings, to dig in daffodil bulbs, to plant cress carrots and spinach, to prove the dough, to hang out the clothes to measure the water tank and measure almond milk to picture my daughter close enough to hold, to get out my te reo books
A Trio of Sophies, Oscar Upperton’s poems to travel with Rebecca Priestley to Antarctica to listen to Jacinda and Ashley’s daily updates to breathe in their patience kindness calm
Paula Green runs activities for children, along with audio and video readings on her blog Poetry Box. She is also hosting daily features to connect readers and writers on Poetry Shelf.
THE HUNGER GAMES
Test your frugal foods knowledge
Pan haggerty, Dublin coddle and boxty all feature what main ingredient?
a Potato
b Parsnip
c Pumpkin 1
What meat was roasted to create the dish called Colonial Goose?
a Duck
b Lamb
c Beef
2
3
Where do feijoas (”the people’s fruit”)
So much is uncertain right now, but one thing is for sure in life, you reap what you sow. And if you sow broad bean seeds now, you’ll be able to harvest those nutty green delights in a few months. It’s also time to compost. Get cracking on your groundwork and rake up those falling leaves. For more tips and for seeds, Kings Plant Centre are doing online orders, so check out
originate from?
a South America
b Mesopotamia
c Australasia
In 1839, the hills around Queen Charlotte Sound were reportedly yellow with the blossom of what vegetable?
a Squash
b Broccoli
c Cabbage
4
5
Immigrant sheep farmer Lady Barker used what to make a b c
ANSWERS:
1-a, 2-b, 3-a, 4-c, 5-b, 6-b.
Coco’s Cantina Negroni
This is a classic recipe, which is equal parts gin, sweet vermouth and Campari. We use Cinzano Rosso rather than Martini Rosso as it’s a little less sweet, (and we like to support smaller producers), and we use New Zealand-made Broken Heart spiced rum. You can also substitute bourbon for the gin (this is known as a Boulevardier).
The Coco’s Negroni is a “built” cocktail — no shaking or straining — so it’s supersimple. Here’s how to make it.
— Paula Green
Fill a short glass with ice.
1 Pour 30mls of gin, 30mls of Campari and
30mls of vermouth over the ice.
2 Stir with a spoon to mix all the ingredients
3 Garnish with a slice of orange (and/or a
squeeze of orange juice if you prefer).