Misguided excuses
feel the worst about.”
Friedman stressed that his error should not be explained away by excuses, but the writer of the piece still found a couple: these Olympics were the first time Friedman — a veteran of six Games — had called swimming, finding out about the assignment only two weeks before competition. And mid- race he stopped talking so CBC could illustrate the atmosphere inside the arena, looking back down and mistaking Lochte in lane five for Phelps in lane four.
“Everything I do, I have to work on it to make sure that I don’t do that again,” Friedman said. “Basically, that’s a message: Nothing you did before was good enough. You better find a way to make it better now.” We now take a break from Rio- related programming to present a pivotal story from the gridiron: Rams defensive end William Hayes believes mermaids are real.
The now Los Angeles- based Rams are currently the subject of HBO reality show Hard Knocks, a wonderful NFL tradition in which one team’s preseason is documented by a camera crew. And the big revelation so far from the show surrounds Hayes and his questionable ideas about science.
Having already made headlines for once expressing his scepticism about the existence of dinosaurs, Hayes has doubled down on the amusing ignorance in revealing how he was excited to be moving to Los Angeles because he would be closer to the Pacific Ocean and mermaids.
Hayes also expounded on his thoughts about dinosaurs, saying, “I just can’t fathom a T- rex walkin’ around here, something that man ain’t ever seen.” Unlike, say, a mermaid.
But Hayes at least has company among the science- agnostic Rams, with new quarterback Jared Goff also the subject of a few smirks after the show explained he had no idea in which direction the sun rises and sets.
Football players, they’re just like us. And, by us, I mean kindergarteners. Baseball players can also be pretty dumb. Look at Jonathan Papelbon, for example. The Washington Nationals finally parted ways with Papelbon this week, almost a year after he attempted to choke the team’s star player in the dug- out, with poor pitching proving his undoing when potential assault was not enough.
Or maybe, instead of his mediocre performances on the field, Papelbon’s release was more about his choice of music in the clubhouse. Perhaps this shouldn’t be surprising, given the pitcher has been seen wearing sleeveless t- shirt emblazoned with the slogan ‘ Obama can’t ban these guns’, but Papelbon is a Trump supporter.
And he reportedly expressed that support inside the Nationals lockerroom with a lovely little ditty called Vote for Trump.
The political anthem pledged that Trump would “bring back country [ and] get rid of rap”, noted that “if you don’t like it you can all just kiss our ass” and, in what would have been especially popular among the Nationals’ Latin players, promised that “the wall will get built by Mexico”.
Great guy, Papelbon. Maybe he can be an adviser for fellow racist Curt Schilling if his former Red Sox teammate carries out his boneheaded threat and runs for political office. What to make of Ryan Lochte and his merry band of idiots. We shouldn’t laugh — Lochte’s lies undoubtedly wasted police resources — and yet it’s kind of funny. We shouldn’t cry — no one was hurt, aside from a bruised ego or two — but erroneously casting Brazil in a bad light was sad. All we can really do is watch the carnage unfold and perhaps acknowledge that Lochte, as the Washington Post wrote, is “the dumbest bell that ever rang”. But the swimmer at least has some sporting company when it comes to inventing tall tales to excuse boorish behaviour while on the booze . . .
Allenby sets the gold standard for telling a few porkies to explain away a drunken incident. The world was gripped with Allenby emerged bruised and apparently beaten after a night out in Honolulu, saying he was lucky to be alive after being kidnapped and robbed. Police sought evidence and Allenby’s story began to unravel. The Australian said the truth was coming out, to which his caddie responded, “I kept thinking, no, it’s not, because you probably just fell over shitfaced drunk.”
Bastareaud earned infamy during a 2009 French rugby tour to New Zealand, heading home early after sustaining facial injuries in what he claimed to be an assault. The centre said he was attacked by “four or five men” as he returned to his hotel following a night out, only for police to uncover security camera footage showing an uninjured Bastareaud entering his accommodation. He finally admitted he had sustained the injuries while drunkenly tripping over a table in his room.
Instead of inventing a story following an alcohol- fuelled preseason incident involving the pair, Souths opted simply for silence. Sutton and Burgess were internally disciplined following an incident of “disorderly behaviour” during the club’s pre- season camp in Arizona but the club adopted a nothing- to- seehere approach. It all came out, though, because it always does.