No sir — we’re not your honey now

describe women is subconsciously infantilising.

Last week I heard a male boss describe his adult female employees as “the girls”. It’s no accident that most street harassment often begins with “hey baby”. Our breasts become “titties”, and it’s no big deal when a strange man appraises them.

We’re supposed to be proud, because every young woman clearly loves it when older men ogle at our chests. Or, if we’re offended, we’re reduced to some kind of caricature (“Outraged and Proud, of Remuera”). And if we didn’t hear the comments in the first place, there’s nothing to be upset about.

Because we all know that men are allowed to say whatever they want about women when the women they’re talking about can’t hear them. It’s just locker room talk, after all.

The thing is, whether we hear the sexist comments or not is irrelevant.

You don’t have to hear objectifying remarks to feel the gaze of a strange man on your breasts.

You don’t have to read about the merits of various types of “titties” to know that some man at some point has rated you out of 10.

What men remarking on random women’s appearances don’t seem to realise is that a nice comment from a partner, husband, wife or close friend is totally different to a stranger feeling entitled to talk about our bodies.

Reducing a woman you’ve never met to her physicality is not a compliment; it’s weird and inappropriate. It’s a hangover from a problematic past, but even today society tells women that we are supposed to be less.

Quieter, smaller, younger, meeker, milder. We’re supposed to take up less space by having the perfect bikini body, we’re supposed to be less offended, less vocal, less threatening. We’re supposed to humour sexism good- naturedly. We’re not supposed to be “too much”.

The truth is that we are only “too much” because we are outgrowing traditional femininity and encroaching upon territory originally reserved for men.

Belittling us is simply an attempt to force us to be small enough to fit into a structure that wasn’t made for us.

Thankfully, there are deep cracks in the foundations. They can belittle us all they want, but we’re beating down the doors.