Days to go
ey America, do you like this election? No? But this is what you created.
You, America, stopped listening to facts you didn’t agree with, stopped reading newspapers or watching broadcasts that didn’t entertain you or confirm what you already believed, stopped trying to understand legislation and policy, stopped bothering to engage in civil discussion or master the basics of civic responsibilities.
You, America, blame Washington for everything that’s wrong with this country, but then told pollsters that the federal Government isn’t doing enough to help you.
You, America, actually believe that reality television is real. And that politics is a form of reality TV. And thanks to that, we have an election that’s more American Idol than American Constitution.
Canvassers this week actually found voters who thought they could vote online. What? There’s not an app for that? You realise we’re probably just one election cycle away from a Kardashian in office. Because, what the heck? Let’s try something new!
The epic fail of the American electorate goes beyond the possibility of The Apprentice presidency, starring the always entertaining and always horrifying Donald Trump.
Check out the mayoral race in Richmond and see what voters in the Old Dominion want in a candidate these days.
Leading the pack is Fightin’ Joe Morrissey, a 58- year- old former Democratic state delegate who is a one- man E! network. He is living out his own reality show.
This guy did 17 months of jail time after he denied that he altered documents to get a cute, underage intern to work for him, denied he had sex with her, denied he sent texts bragging about having sex with her and denied that he was the father of her baby.
And then, during last season’s June finale of Say it Ain’t So, Joe, there was a grand Virginia wedding for Morrissey and the now 20- year- old Myrna Warren, complete with a Swarovskiencrusted gown and white tents on the family farm.
Voters love the guy and somehow believe that between his five children, three mothers of his children and his spotty career — including a disbarment for fist- fighting in the courtroom — he is the right man for the complex and labour- intensive job of governing a city.
He’ll be entertaining, right? Season 2 will be ah- mazing.
You can’t get further from Washington than Hawaii, where the certifiable Angela Kaaihue is running for a US House seat with the help of demons and devils worthy of a heavymetal album cover. The cloven ones on her campaign posts say her opponents are Satan and she is the only true “messenger of God”. Don’t worry if the Republican doesn’t win, because one of our fave characters, Carlos Danger, still makes election news even when he’s not running.
Anthony Weiner, the soon- to- beex- husband of top Hillary Clinton aide Huma Abedin, can text his dysfunction to you anywhere, his disgusting shtick knows no boundaries. ( OK, New York City did send the Democrat to the US House of Representatives, but didn’t elect him mayor, so some kudos there.)
Are we sure this election season wasn’t scripted by Netflix? But no, we can’t go on a 72- hour binge- watch bender to see who wins.
The demand for politainment isn’t anything new. Ronald Reagan made the leap from B- movie actor to GOP politician in 1967, when the future President was elected Governor of California.
Then came singer Sonny Bono as Mayor of Palm Springs and Republican congressman, then actor Clint Eastwood as Mayor of Carmel.