Evil rips away our innocence forever

Igot back from taking the dog to the beach last night. I burst into tears while there. Not the first time. It came in waves, snuck up on me and I just let it happen, because actually, I wasn’t quite sure what else to do.

Something so horrific, something I cannot comprehend, has happened in our wonderful city of Christchurch.

Pangs of anxiety, a feeling of sickness sat in my stomach all day, and a lady I spoke to when I went for a walk on the beach said she was exactly the same.

I think the hardest thing for many of us to get our heads around is the level of hatred someone has to carry out such a ghastly act.

And sure, we see awful, awful things happening around the world every single day. But right on our doorstep? No way.

Not at the beautiful mosque I run past alongside my beloved Hagley Park every day. Not in Christchurch. Not in New Zealand. This isn’t us.

But it is. It’s happened and we can’t change that, and we can’t get back the innocence we had before this incredibly horrific, awful day.

And as I sat there last night, drinking my vodka and eating my chicken nuggets, watching the round-the-clock television coverage, I felt utterly helpless.

But I know I am not alone in what will be a pretty raw journey of emotions as shock turns to reality.

I know I will do more than just eat my chicken nuggets and drink my vodka. I know I will stand with my people, my community, my country.

Because this is us. They are us.