Talking about money pays dividends

I just don’t understand how you hit a money milestone, like owning a house, without talking to your partner and making sure you’re working together as a team.

Yet, it seems many of us are attempting to do just that.

A new survey from the Commission for Financial Capability (CFFC) found 58 per cent of us don’t talk to our partner about how much we earn.

I don’t see how you can make plans together and craft your best life without knowing something as basic as that.

But the money silence is bleeding into other areas, too.

For those aged 55 to 64, the CFFC found only 52 per cent of us have talked to our partner about what the plan is for our golden years.

It’s just around the corner, but for some reason half of us are clamming up.

Now this is said with confusion at my end, but no judgement.

Money hits those parts of us that are most vulnerable. It becomes a shortcut to how much you’re worth, how smart you are, to who holds the power in your relationship.

But it’s time to trot out another important statistic.

Because 69 per cent of New Zealanders are concerned about money. And, in my experience, just talking about it and creating a plan can relieve a lot of that anxiety.

The CFFC’s Tom Hartmann came on the latest Cooking the

Books podcast to talk about the problem, and how it’s impacting our mental health.

He says talking about it and creating a plan to deal with it is the key to fighting off that anxiety.

He says people can be surprisingly keen to talk about money once you give them permission to do it, particularly in a non-confrontational way.

“To avoid conflict we will often not talk about money matters. It’s unfortunate, but the fact is that money can often come between us in relationships.

“But in open talk about money, if you find a way to broach the subject and talk freely about it, that’s often a way to overcome that.”

He recommends going backwards in time, talking about an early money memory.

It’s less confrontational than starting with the issues you’re facing today, but still gives you insight into your partner and the values they’re drawing on when you have a money conversation.

I also like to use the time travel technique, but going forwards in time.

‘What would you do if you won Lotto’ is a great way to find out your partner’s goals in life, and what’s important to them.

Then you can point out that there’s no need to wait for lightning to strike — if you make a few changes together, maybe you could hit that goal under your own steam.

A few conversations like this should ease the tension and remind you of joint goals.

After that, you’re ready to start raising the subject of what’s happening today.

Once you’re on the same page, it’s so much easier to hit a big goal without accidentally working against each other.

Like saving up for a house deposit, or nailing that mortgage quickly.