LOVE AFTER LECRETIA
Widower’s baby joy
For Matt Vickers, life and death hit home just two days apart.
The matter of life was his new marriage and a baby on the way.
The matter of death was the vote in Parliament allowing the public to decide on legalised assisted dying.
Matt’s late wife, Wellingotn lawyer Lecretia Seales, campaigned for the right to choose how she died after being diagnosed with brain cancer in 2011. She died in June 2015, just hours after the judgment in her landmark case was released to her family.
Four years later, Vickers has remarried, tying the knot with Alexis Soper on November 11, just two days before The End of Life Choice bill was passed in Parliament.
“Growing up in the States we always say ‘Make a wish’,” Soper said. “The date of November 11 has spiritual significance. More importantly, we are having a C-section on December 11 so it’s continuity of dates.”
Vickers is overwhelmed, but happy.
“It’s a bit much, but it’s a really happy time right now. I have met a woman I love, we are having a baby together and the referendum happening is a real win. I am proud that everything I have worked on in the past in Lecretia’s memory has come to fruition,” Vickers said.
The End of Life Choice Bill passed 69 votes to 51 at its third and final vote. It will go to a referendum next year.
The couple’s love story is very “New York”, the pair say.
Vickers, 43, transferred to the city after his wife’s death through his work at Xero, where he is a general manager of product. He connected with Soper, 37, on the dating site OkCupid a year ago.
After exchanging a few messages, they arranged to meet for cocktails at a Manhattan bar.
“Our friends have told us it’s very Sex and the City,” Soper said.
Vickers found Soper “funny, charming and easy to talk to”.
Their romance flourished and soon afterwards he moved into her apartment in Cobble Hill, Brooklyn.
Soper, chief of staff for political consultant Frank Luntz, thought Vickers was “brilliant”.
“He had a twinkle in his eye. He felt the need to share his entire repertoire of jokes so the fact I could sit through that and manage to have a really good time speaks volumes. He was well travelled and
had a story to tell. He stood out amongst other suitors. It was very seamless how we connected,” she said.
They found another connection through losing a wife and a mother respectively to cancer.
“For me, the fact that Matt had experienced loss and tragedy at such a young age was significant to me. It meant a lot to me Matt understood what it’s like. I find that people who have been fortunate enough not to experience these things in my view don’t really get it and he did so for me. We have an understanding and appreciation having gone through a similar thing,” she said.
Soper is supportive of Vickers’ fight for the right to choose to end your life.
“I fully support what Lecretia started and what Matt is finishing. So many people in Matt’s shoes would not have upheld their commitment. I consider myself very lucky to be married to him. I hope everybody gets the opportunity to be loved in such a way,” she said.
I think Lecretia and I have done everything we can. Matt Vickers
Vickers had planned to propose in Tahiti or Europe but Soper was too far along in her pregnancy and it wasn’t safe for her to travel.
On October 25, the couple went to see a play, then dined at La Grenouille, a classic French restaurant.
“It’s an institution. It’s filled with beautiful fresh flowers with elaborate arrangements. You could be in Paris,” Soper said.
By then, she was seven months pregnant and bemused when the matre d came over and offered her a “special drink”.
She had no idea there was an engagement ring in the Champagne glass. “I took a sip and thought that’s not ‘special’ but I completely missed the point. Matt had to say ‘Look at the bottom of your glass.’
“It was the first time in my life I had a complete out-of-body experience. I remember Matt saying ‘I adore you’ and the rest is blank.”
Their wedding was simple and poignant. A New York Supreme Court judge married the couple, overlooking the Hudson River.
“I think Lecretia would be happy for both of us,” Vickers said.
“I didn’t like to talk about a future without her but she was clear that what she hoped for me was I would love again and have children. If there is a heaven, I think she would be watching over us.”
He hopes The End of Life Choice bill is successful next year but acknowledges the issue is a polarising one.
“A lot of opponents will say the disabled, the elderly are going to lose their lives through coercion and that’s not true. This law is about the terminally ill, people who are going to die. Do you suffer? Or do you have a choice and leave on your own terms? That’s what this bill is about. I think New Zealanders view it as the choice they have and they should definitely vote for this legislation.
“If it’s not successful, it will be a very sad day. I think Lecretia and I have done everything we can.”
The couple’s honeymoon is on hold as they prepare for the baby.