Faezeh: ‘He threatened to tell her family’

I talked with a mother after a conference at which I’d been speaking. At the time, her daughter, Faezeh, was 14. Faezeh’s mother, a doctor who was attending the conference, described to me how her daughter had been groomed online by a sexual predator.

A “friend of a friend” had contacted her and they began an exchange on social media. This lasted a couple of months. He was kind, generous, and always responsive.

He seemed to really care . . . until one late-night conversation turned horrible. After several pressure-filled demands from the “boy”, Faezeh sent him a topless image.

There was an immediate demand for more images. Faezeh was seized with guilt, shame and remorse. She panicked. She begged him to delete the image and leave her alone. His response: he threatened to tell her family that she was sending nudes, and promised he would send the one image he possessed to her family unless she sent more. He then sent her a list of names (via images from her Facebook profile) to prove he would do it. The list included her traditional and religiously conservative extended family members in the Middle East.

Faezeh did not believe him. She blocked him and prayed the entire episode would go away. It didn’t. Within hours, Faezeh’s mother, uncles, aunts, cousins and several friends had received the image, with a note describing Faezeh’s sexual indiscretions. (Her father did not have a Facebook account.)

Having received a copy of the image, Faezeh’s mother immediately found her daughter. She sat with her and talked. They determined that the only way out of the situation was to tell their family that someone had photoshopped the images, that none of it was real, and that someone was attempting to extort their family. Their story was believed and the wider family was pacified.

I wish this was a unique story. While it is awful and most girls will not experience challenges this significant, it is also not unusual. Our daughters are so eager to be kind, to have friends, and to stay connected to their phones that they are too often victims in these unacceptable situations.