The Secret Diary of . . . Being Kind
MONDAY
A couple taking a walk in Papakura were commended today by the Prime Minister of Kindness, Jacinda Ardern, for trying to help a blind person cross the street by maintaining a 2m social distance and yelling at them every step of the way.
“They were not to know, of course,” she said, “that the person was also deaf and could not hear the truck that came around a corner at speed.
“We will get through this.”
TUESDAY
Elderly people in a rest home in Mosgiel are sitting in their bedroom windows for hours on end while dressed as teddy bears for the entertainment of passing children.
Jacinda Ardern was told of the development just after drafting new legislation in the Be Kind In A Pandemic, Please, Members Bill (revised) 2020.
She said the act of the senior citizens showed that New Zealanders were good at heart and went out of their way to think of others.
“I’ve been informed that the residents are asleep most of the time and, in fact, one had passed away,” she said, “but that no one had noticed given their costumes.
“We will get through this.”
WEDNESDAY
Thieves have stolen a tent that East Auckland health workers were using for Covid-19 screening.
The missing tent, which was made with galvanised steel and a heavyduty PVC cover, had been bolted to the ground and was the middle one in a set of three. Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern said that on the face of things it didn’t sound like a particularly kind thing to do.
“A full picture is yet to emerge, though,” she said. “There could be an underlying kindness behind this that we don’t know about yet.
“One possible scenario is that it was a misguided attempt to offer shelter to the homeless.
“My view is that we should all think positively and not let these difficult times cloud our judgment.
“We will get through this.”
THURSDAY
A German media company has closed down its New Zealand publishing operations, ending magazines such as the Listener, NZ Woman’s Weekly, North & South, Metro, Woman’s Day, Fashion Quarterly and other titles.
“I think perhaps there was a little misunderstanding along the way,” Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern has responded. “We offered Bauer the wage subsidy. They should have taken it up. They should have kept going. But they didn’t, and my thinking now is that perhaps something got lost in translation and that as German speakers they didn’t get what we were saying.
“If only we had said to Bauer to show some freundlichkeit, or kindness and to perform liebenswurdigkeit, or a kind act and if they didn’t wish to do that, then they could just jolly well verpiss dich.
“We will get through this.”
FRIDAY
Thieves have broken into hospitals around the country and taken beds, face masks, medical equipment and those garish dividing curtains from the wards.
Meanwhile, there are fresh reports of shoppers angrily and deliberately spitting at supermarket staff, vast and illicit parties of hundreds of teenagers who break into deserted office towers and break into the executive drinks cabinet, gang warfare, protection rackets, public executions and that millions of dollars worth of chilled meat may be headed to landfill if independent butchers are not allowed to reopen.
Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern said, “Let’s just try and get through this weekend.”
Jacinda Ardern said that on the face of things it didn’t sound like a particularly kind thing to do.