Weekend Herald

The Secret Diary of . . . Horoscopes, part 1

- Steve Braunias

CAPRICORN (December 23-January 20)

He manako te kōura i kore ai: “Wishing for the crayfish won’t bring it.” 2022 is a call to arms, a bugle at dawn, a matter of urgency. January holds the key to the rest of the year. February and March are breathless. If you work hard and labour long, September or October should be sweet. Watch for betrayal. Those who you trust need the closest surveillan­ce. A face from the past looms large, like a balloon with its thread wrapped tight around your wrist. You just might have to pop it.

AQUARIUS ( January 21-February 19)

Whaowhia te kete mātauranga: “Fill the basket of knowledge.” Whether it’s an institutio­n of learning or the school of life, 2022 is all about education. Open your mind, sort out fact from fiction, give an apple or some such bribe to teacher. Travel beckons. It’s likely to be West; do you know anyone in Rānui? Your role in a leadership challenge is crucial. Don’t be afraid to make the headlines. See your family doctor, and bathe often.

PISCES

(February 20-March 20)

Kei ōu ringaringa te ao: “The world is yours.” Yes, all of it, ripe and luscious and there for the picking. But don’t pluck it all at once. Take little pieces and salt them away.

Hoarding gets bad press but don’t believe everything you read. A change of address is a change for the better. Enjoy the new surroundin­gs and exploit them to your advantage. Learn to say no. No one respects a doormat. It’s time to get serious about the future next year or the year after that. 2022 is spelled F-U-N.

ARIES

(March 21-April 20)

He iti hau marangai e tū te pāhokahoka: “Just like a rainbow after the storm, success follows failure.” Yes but it’s been a hell of a storm, hasn’t it? Some of your most prized possession­s were swept out to sea – including your pride. Start afresh. Rebuild it, and they will come. Love taps on the window. Close the curtains. The needs of others are not your needs. The employment ladder is missing a few rungs. Hold on tight. Sometimes the only way up is down.

TAURUS

(April 21-May 21)

Mā te huruhuru ka rere te manu: “Adorn the bird with feathers so it may soar.” You are not the bird.

Someone you love is the bird.

It’s up to you to help them fly. Take a back seat and take value in a life lived passively. Those in business related to law or exports might want to consider the potential for a profitable foreign venture. Think about building your immovable assets. A major event in May will resolve itself in November. Try not to panic in the intervenin­g months of crisis.

GEMINI (May 22-June 21)

“Words are just complicate­d air flow.” This is not a whakataukı, it’s a line from the TV series Succession. You will do well to heed it. Silence is better than language. Basically the message for 2022 is to quieten the voices in your head for the benefit of your mental health – and the benefit of others. Revenge is a sweet cake. Eat up, as your enemies starve in the gutter of their own vileness. Be careful with your money. Cryptocurr­ency is the way to go.

Part 2 next week

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