The Secret Diary of . . . Gang Warfare
Police Minister Poto Williams
“We have to get tough on gangs,” I told the Police Commissioner. “The polls are deeply distressing.”
Police Commissioner Andrew Coster
“We have to get tough on gangs,” said the Minister. I got on to it straight away and sent the Killer Beez and the Tribesmen a message, a very strongly worded message indeed.
Christopher Luxon
We have to get tough on gangs. And when I say tough, I mean Game of Thrones tough — pouring molten gold over their heads, realistic measures like that.
The Killer Beez
We have no comment to make at this time.
The Tribesmen
We have no comment to make at this time.
Andrew Coster
Gangs are engaging in lawless activity. It will not be tolerated, and that was the substantial point I made in the strongly worded message that I posted to the letterboxes of their gang pads.
Poto Williams
Gangs are engaging in lawless activity. But how do we define lawlessness? What I can speak to is conversations I’ve been having with police that acts of lawlessness are deeply distressing.
Christopher Luxon
Gangs are engaging in lawless activity. They are pillaging and looting the countryside, stealing sheep, rustling cattle, goodness knows what else. We should all be absolutely terrified out of our wits.
The Tribesmen
We have no comment to make at this time.
The Killer Beez
We have no comment to make at this time.
Andrew Coster
These things come in waves. Right now there’s a wave of violence. But I’m confident that once the gangs read my strongly worded message, this wave will wash back out to sea, although the information I have is that so far they have yet to open their letterboxes.
Christopher Luxon
These things come in waves. And one thing we all know about waves is that they don’t like being beaten with a stick, a very large stick indeed. It won’t be easy. But it has to be done, and I am calling for it to be done, in a clear and appealing manner.
Poto Williams
These things come in waves. But what are waves? What I can speak to is conversations I’ve been having with police, that I am deeply distressed about waves.
The Killer Beez
We have no comment to make at this time.
TheTribesmen
We have no comment to make at this time.
Poto Williams
I am saying that I am deeply distressing, deeply distressing indeed.
Christopher Luxon
I am saying that we have to do something. Ideally it should involve a raft of anti-gang legislation, which has always worked in the past, despite whatever evidence to the contrary that sociologist Dr Jarrod Gilbert may point to in his patient and thorough research on the matter.
Andrew Coster
I am saying it’s possible that the strongly worded message has got mixed up with junk mail. But if not, and they do read it, I expect to receive a reply in due course.
The Tribesmen
We might make a comment this weekend.
The Killer Beez
Not if we make it first.
The Tribesmen
In deed?
Killer Beez
Yeah. In deed.