10 TIPS FOR A STRESS-FREE XMAS
It’s the most wonderful time of the year, but also a time when stress levels peak. We ask the experts for their top tips to stop stress in its tracks and make the season of goodwill joyful for all.
1
SURVIVE FAMILY FRICTION:
Christmas Day is a happy occasion for many, but for some, including those with dysfunctional families, it can deliver stress and anxiety. Psychologist Kate Ferris says relationships, grief, addictions, and “Aunty Bev’s racist remarks”, can all make Christmas Day uncomfortable.
“Especially when we make the unhelpful comparison of our reality with the Christmas day depicted in marketing and film,” she says, giving the example of an attractive family, cosied up in a picturesque setting.
“Very few family interactions at Christmas actually play out that way. The pressure and expectation surrounding Christmas are corrosive to our wellbeing.”
Top tips
Have realistic expectations:
Accept your reality, says Ferris. The easiest way of interrupting a disappointment pattern is to become aware you’re doing it, while you are doing it. Offer yourself some selfcompassion and recalibrate your expectations to something more manageable — “imperfect but enjoyable”.
Plan and anticipate: A lot of us fall back into old family dynamics but don’t just wing it and hope for the best. Be proactive. If your “arrogant brother-in-law” is going to be there, make a plan for how you are going to cope when you’re triggered by his gloating. Try to recognise that you can’t change others but you can control your reactions. Politely leaving the table or diverting the conversation are better ways of diffusing the situation than becoming combative.
Seek joy: Find pleasure and gratitude in small moments — the smell of the Christmas ham in the oven, or the blessing of a few days off work. Shift your attention away from the things that bother you to “positive or neutral stimuli”, says Ferris. This simple act will make even the most challenging Christmas Day more tolerable.
2
EMBRACE THE VIRTUAL CHRISTMAS PARTY:
If you’re missing overseas family members, this is a year to be flexible and try out new family traditions,
DON’T SHOP TILL YOU DROP: So, despite your good intentions, you have ended up — yet again
— a last-minute shopper.
Before you hit the mall, have a family discussion about the total money available for festive celebrations and invite ideas on how best to stay within the budget.
Budget adviser Shirley Mccombe says Christmas is about family and “aroha”, not gifts. If you want to shop, consider doing Secret Santa, which will reduce cost. If you’re buying for more people, agree on a set budget or consider handmade gifts.
What’s more, Dr Pushpa Wood, director of the Westpac Massey Fin-ed Centre, suggests getting everyone to bring a plate to share the cost of putting on a big feast.
Consider giving gift vouchers that can be redeemed during the Boxing Day sales. This way your money will go a lot further.
■ Top tip
❏ Don’t get carried away rewarding yourself and your loved ones by overspending: To have some savings for future has never been more important and relevant than this year.
5
It doesn’t have to be extravagant, just a loving environment where everyone feels The truth about Christmas welcome and that they have a place “with holidays is that they can be the Christmas carols cranking, of course”. exhausting with all that visiting, says Ferris.
If you’re celebrating Christmas on Zoom or Skype, event planner Kate Lovell suggests organising games in advance, like Christmas Bingo or a Christmas Quiz to keep everyone entertained.
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❏ Remember that connection extends beyond physical proximity: If time zones permit, include your overseas relatives in the day by video-calling, or honour them in a toast or karakia.
Top tip 3
KEEP THINGS CASUAL:
If the pressure is mounting for you to organise the event of 2020, take advice from Kate Lovell, who says to keep Christmas Day casual!
Lovell, who owns event planning business As You Like It, suggests getting your immediate family to help out in the kitchen on Christmas morning, and then in the afternoon, get the extended family involved in a water fight with balloons, buckets, and hoses. Or, head to the beach and soak up some Vitamin D.
Top tip 4 GET SOME SHUTEYE:
entertaining and travelling.
Dr Bronwyn Sweeney, research officer and professional clinician of Massey University’s Sleep/wake Research Centre, says good sleep can help us manage emotional reactions. “When we don’t get enough sleep our brains pay more attention to negative things and are less likely to notice the positive things around us. Our brains become bad judges of other people’s emotions as well so we can sometimes incorrectly judge what is going on.”
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❏ Prioritise sleep as a crucial part of your health routine: Remember your emotional reactions are strongly based your brain’s ability to correctly judge a situation. Good sleep makes you a better judge.
Top tip 6
HOLD ON TO DAILY RITUAL:
School is out and weeks of holidays stretch ahead. So what should you do about your child’s reading?
Professor Tom Nicholson of Massey’s Literacy Education says when school stops, learning seems to stop as well.
“We stop reading and the skills we have built up during the year start to fall away.”
This reading slump over the summer
can result in learners slipping back from three to six months in their reading age.
Encouraging your child to keep reading — whether paper or e-books — over the long summer break will also them avoid suffering the effects of “summer slide”, Nicholson says.
Top tips
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❏ The first line of the story should sound really exciting.
❏ Change your voice according to the characters and the action.
❏ Pause at the end of sentences.
❏ Read the last line slowly and with feeling.
7
SHARE THE COOKING LOAD:
The key to an easy and tasty Christmas, is to plan ahead, says chef Peter Blakeway. He started cooking for the occasion in August, making Christmas mincemeat and his Christmas cake.
Being able to freeze food takes a load off in December, he says, encouraging
Kiwis to try that in 2021 if they haven’t done it this year.
“To me, nothing is going to bring an argument more than the poor sod that’s done all the cooking work, and everyone just sits back and lets them do it. They then get left out of the actual celebration.”
Whether it’s a barbecue or the full works, go as big or small as you want. When it comes to Christmas leftovers, do the Kiwi thing and get the barbecue cranking on Boxing Day — ham and eggs make for a tasty breakfast.
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❏ What you cook doesn’t have to be expensive: Cheap cuts can be made extraordinary, but it’s crucial to plan ahead. If you are the cook, don’t leave yourself with a massive job list on the day that’s supposed to be with family. Nothing will get your temper short like leaving yourself too much to do.
8
KEEP YOUR HOME SAFE:
So you’re about to head off on holiday, leaving your home unattended. While you’re soaking
Top tip
up the sun, someone could be evaluating how easy it’d be to break into your home.
Inspector Hamish Milne of the National Prevention Centre urges you to be mindful of the following advice.
★ Make arrangements for your mail to be collected, hide valuables, lock sheds and set timer switches on lights and radios.
★ Don’t mention on your voicemail you will be away from home.
★ Be aware burglars have access to social media so, if going away, don’t post it publicly.
★ Get a neighbour to make regular checks on your house and even close curtains in the evening and turn on lights.
★ Before you leave on holiday, turn parcel packaging inside out before disposing of it, so passers-by can’t see if you’ve been buying expensive items.
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❏ If you see anything suspicious and it’s happening now, call 111. If it’s already happened, you can report it through the police non-emergency line, 105.
Top tip 9
BE CONTENT WITH ‘GOOD ENOUGH’:
“Don’t always go for bigger and better” when planning your holiday, advises Loretta Laroche, author of Life Is Not a Stress Rehearsal.
If all your friends are off on exciting holidays but you’re stuck working, don’t despair, you can still enjoy your summer.
After work or on the weekends, be a tourist in your own town. Make a list of the awesome things in your hometown and get out there.
Plan evening barbecues and picnics, or seek out some serenity with an after-work swim or a leisurely drive.
At night-time, take a stroll through your neighbourhood to view the Christmas lights.
Most importantly, as the New York Times puts it: “Feeling like a sad sack of coal during the holidays is far from unusual”.
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❏ Give yourself a break, and if you can’t shake the blues, seek professional help.
Top tip 10
CELEBRATE YOUR WINS:
In a year that’s delivered its fair share of challenges, you might be surprised at what you’ve achieved.
Give yourself the opportunity to reframe 2020, says life coach Annie Canning, and acknowledge and celebrate your wins no matter how big or small.
“The very act of celebration changes your physiology and psychology.
“When you fail to celebrate your accomplishments, you are training your brain that what you have achieved is not important.”
When it comes to eyeing up 2021 as the best year ever, let’s face it, New Year’s resolutions often don’t last.
Instead, Canning suggests taking time to do something that will add value to your life and shift you from “reactionary to deliberate and intentional”.
She suggests assessing where you’re currently at with your health, wealth, relationships and finance, and establishing a baseline for yourself in these areas. Then decide where you want to be in a year’s time, and put in place actions aligned with your goals.
Top tip
Review 2020 and consider what worked and what didn’t work. Take the learnings. Success comes from consistently taking one small action at a time and moving forward. Treat every moment as if you are stepping into a new year.