Sex talk

Jodie Mol­loy an­swers your most in­ti­mate ques­tions

Woman’s Day (NZ) - - This week - Write to wdaynz@bauer­me­ or Woman’s Day, Pri­vate Bag 92512, Welles­ley Street, Auck­land.

Q My hus­band wakes up with an erec­tion ev­ery sin­gle morn­ing with­out fail. When I ask him what he was dream­ing about, he says it wasn’t sex­ual. Is that even pos­si­ble? It’s like he’s some kind of sex ad­dict!

An­noyed, Haw­era

A Men can have mul­ti­ple erec­tions dur­ing a sleep cy­cle. Our cli­toris also has ac­tiv­ity dur­ing this pe­riod, but due to size and lo­ca­tion, it isn’t no­tice­able. So if he’s say­ing the morn­ing salute isn’t a tes­ta­ment to any­thing more than his oxy­genated mem­ber, you may have to as­sume he’s telling you the truth.

Q My awe­some boyfriend has al­ways had a high sex drive, but things seem to be get­ting out of hand and he keeps ar­riv­ing home with toys that make me feel un­com­fort­able size­wise. I don’t mind a bit of ex­per­i­men­ta­tion, but I can’t work out if I’m be­com­ing a prude or he’s just get­ting more self­ish?

Con­fused, Auck­land

A It’s him. No­body should be us­ing any­thing dur­ing sex that isn’t con­sen­sual. What you are do­ing by not speak­ing up and just go­ing along with his de­sires is re­ally mak­ing you a per­for­mance artist, not a sex­ual part­ner. If your mind is pre­oc­cu­pied, then how is that good for you? And this is even worse if it’s caus­ing you phys­i­cal pain. If the shoe was on the other foot and you were try­ing to im­pale him with, say, an eight-and-a-half-inch dildo, would he be as agree­able as you are?

It sounds like you are scared he won’t find you phys­i­cally com­pat­i­ble if you don’t play along. But where is the fu­ture in pre­tend­ing? Why don’t you pick your own toys, in­vest in what suits you size-wise and sim­ply ex­plain that this is what works for you. If he wants to walk away, bet­ter to know now rather than later.

Q This is very em­bar­rass­ing for me, but I find giv­ing my boyfriend oral sex re­ally painful. He’s su­per into it and is also quite large, but I don’t like mak­ing him feel self-con­scious about it. It’s caused him prob­lems with girl­friends in the past, and he’s try­ing to be re­ally gen­tle and re­spect­ful, but it’s still full-on. I don’t know if I’m do­ing some­thing wrong or if it’s al­ways go­ing to be like this. Please help!

Un­lucky, Ash­bur­ton

A In this in­stance, en­dur­ing pain dur­ing sex on be­half of or for an­other per­son isn’t healthy or ideal. You de­serve to feel amaz­ing dur­ing sex, not on the brink of pass­ing out cour­tesy of a gi­gan­tor block­ing your wind­pipe.

We all do things when we are in love or want to please peo­ple, but this has to be dis­cussed be­fore you hurt your­self. Ei­ther he’s not be­ing gen­tle enough or you have to con­sider that maybe this sex­ual as­pect isn’t work­ing out in terms of biome­chan­ics.

One thing you could try is the Adam & Eve Deep Throat De­sen­si­tiz­ing Spray, avail­able from Peaches and Cream. Ap­ply it be­fore or dur­ing sex and see if it helps.

If he’s al­ready told you he’s had is­sues with other girl­friends, then don’t be scared to join the cho­rus. Pre­tend­ing you are down with deep throat won’t win you the day. It sounds like he’s the one that needs to make an in­formed de­ci­sion about what he ex­pects from his part­ner.

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