LET’S TALK ABOUT SEX
Jodie Molloy answers your most intimate questions
QI have never been a very sexually confident person and am not sure if I’m actually orgasming or not. I feel some kind of pleasure but how do I know if it’s “that” feeling, so to speak? Shy, Auckland
A This is a difficult question to answer because it’s different for everybody. But your query brings to mind a truism that there’s always the possibility for everybody to enhance the quality and intensity of their sex life, based on the time and energy they put into it.
Pleasure is something that’s important to some and not to others. If this is something you want to see changed, there are things you could try that I’m confident would give you a more unequivocal sense of orgasm.
The muscles in the pelvis are said to contract about three to 12 times during climax. They start out more intense and then become more interspersed. It changes your breathing, is relaxing, pleasurable and can be emotional for some.
You mention you’ve never been very confident. The only way to change or challenge this is to make a commitment to yourself to become more pleasure-focused and explore your orgasmic potential.
There are toys that offer a sure-fire way to introduce your body to different sensations. In taking this step, you can reaffirm your confidence and choose to abandon fears or long-held notions of yourself as “not that sexual” or “not that into sex”.
Q I have just left a marriage after 42 years and my daughters are saying that men don’t like “natural” women with pubic hair any more. I want to get back out there but have no idea if I should believe them? I want to put my best foot forward in reshaping a new me and am wondering what other women my age would do. Curious, Taupo
A I think your daughters should keep their opinions about your nether regions to themselves. While it is true that women of all ages are waxing, growing, sprouting, germinating and lasering their pubic hair, there are no rules as to what kind of operation you run down there. And let’s try and imagine a world where we care about what we want and not worry about what men are looking for.
I baulk at the notion of a trend in vaginal appearance because, quite frankly, it should be a reflection of what’s easy or desirable to you. For me, the idea that I have to maintain a mons pubis is another frustrating event in the female experience.
Once upon a time, we just had that thicket to keep us warm and keep out the bugs, now it’s a commodified piece of real estate on the human form that faces outside trend pressures based on things like pornography. That’s why the millennial generation are more inclined to be hairless than past generations, who were not at the behest of the digital age where men haven’t seen a pubic hair since 1999.
That said, we are all prone to influence and if there’s any part of you that wants to mix up your hairstyle or explore change, don’t be afraid to go for it. Being bald downstairs is just as amazing as rocking something as sensational as Diana Ross’ hair. The style, what age you are or male expectations are not what matters. All vaginas are equal!