Let’s talk about sex
Jodie Molloy answers your most intimate questions
QI have been married for 20 years and my husband is still embarrassed about his body. How can I make him stop putting his underwear on the minute we’ve finished having sex? Stumped, Wellington
A The notion that women are the more timid when it comes to revealing all in the bedroom isn’t always true. I know of so many women who describe their partners as body shy. I have known men to be butt coverers, penis hiders and bathroom dashers.
You know those people who have taken less than 20 seconds to levitate from the bed and find the closest space to clean themselves up? Self-loathing is not just a strictly female domain, particularly in a social media landscape now that peddles “ideal” men alongside women.
I’m going to assume that you have brought this up with him before in a gentle way, asking why he might feel the need to dress so quickly? I’m assuming you feel it’s a killjoy for intimacy. You need to figure out if it’s just routine and if he’s always done it.
Some people love a routine. To him, it may be the equivalent of how he brushes his teeth – it just is what it is. Ask if you can try a compromise, where he re-clads after at least five minutes of cuddling. Even if he fails, the fact that he is willing to try might alleviate some of your irritation.
Q My boyfriend has given me a Booty Boot Camp Training Kit for my birthday. I’m a bit freaked out by it. Am I going to hurt myself using it or am I just being a bit paranoid?
Uptight, Christchurch
A I’m going to go ahead and assume that you didn’t open that gift at your birthday party in front of friends and family! It sounds like your boyfriend has dropped a rather unsubtle hint that he wants to explore uncharted territory.
There’s no question that anal desire is no longer as taboo as it once was. He has been cheeky – for want of a better word – and now the ball really is in your court if you want to play.
The kit is a great way to introduce somebody to new sensations and sizes in a way that promotes healthy, safe and sensible sex. You will not hurt yourself if you are sensible, follow good practice and have great communication with your partner.
But don’t do anything you don’t want to do. If it’s something more than just a concern about the physics, then tell your partner you are not ready and need more time. But don’t assume you won’t like it or it will hurt.
In this case, your body will follow what’s going on in your head, so it’s important that you feel curious, comfortable and trust him enough to experiment. Replace “freaked out” with “excited” and you might find it’s the gift that keeps on giving!