Parris Goebel’s shock confessions From suicidal to superstar
The Kiwi superstar opens up about her private pain
Take a look at almost any successful music video from the past eight years and it’s likely to have been the creation of fierce Kiwi choreographer Parris Goebel.
With an impenetrable attitude, the South Aucklander is ticking off artist after artist, introducing the likes of Jennifer Lopez, Rihanna and Nicki Minaj to her signature dance style of Poly-Swagg.
But behind her startling success and her tough-girl boldness, there’s a dark secret she is finally ready to open up about. “Depression is something I have struggled with all my life,” Parris tells
Woman’s Day during our glam photo shoot on a recent
return to New Zealand.
“When I was 13 and in my first year of high school, it just went really bad, and I was cutting myself and wanting to kill myself.”
Parris, 26, is back home to talk about her new book
YoungQueen, an honest and open insight into what life really looks like behind all the glitz and glam of celebrity.
And her battle with depression, which reared its ugly head again when she was 18, is something she wants to shine a light on.
“Depression is like a black hole and you might not even really know how you got there,” she explains. “And when you’re there, it feels like it’s impossible to get out. You feel so low, you feel so s*** and although everything is going great in life, you convince yourself that you are worthless.”
Parris’ admission will come as a shock to her fans around the world. Her Instagram and YouTube channels are filled with power posing shots and fearless dance moves.
When Jennifer Lopez gave Parris her big break back in 2012, popping her on the payroll as choreographer for her world tour, it was because “her stuff was so tough”.
Messageofhope
But Parris admits depression has no clear-cut look – and that’s why it’s so important that we talk about it, especially with younger generations.
“It’s really hard when you are trying to help someone get out of it because you don’t really know how deep in that hole they are,” she says. “But the biggest message to focus on is that you aren’t alone. Everyone goes through this at least once in their life. You can get out of it, but you have to want to get out of it.
“It took me to really want to change it and think,
‘I don’t want to live like this any more.’ And I talked to my sister who was a counsellor.”
The initial trigger for Parris was being bullied in primary school and even now, she still suffers serious moments of self-doubt.
“At primary school and then intermediate, I was the only Polynesian girl in my year,” she recalls. “I always felt it played such a huge part in my self-worth growing up as I was getting bullied for my Polynesian features. When you’re bullied in primary school, it’s super-traumatic and it sticks with you for life.”
Parris makes no secret that school wasn’t for her, struggling with both bullies and academia when all she wanted to do was dance. So she dropped out at 15 to focus on a global takeover.
Her ambitions, she says, were often the butt of jokes. A Samoan girl from South Auckland’s Manurewa making it on the international music scene? Unlikely.
She beams, “My dad has been such a key player in me having the confidence in saying, ‘I want this and I want to do this.’ He instilled in me at a young age to be ambitious, to have that courage.
“My peers haven’t been raised the same, which is very sad. I saw that at a young age and that gave me that drive.”
In 2007, Parris put together her own all-girl dance crew ReQuest and two years on, at the age of 18, led them to success by winning the World Hip-hop Championships. A year later, they scooped the top spot again.
Bursting with confidence at just 17, she opened The Palace Dance Studio in Penrose, Auckland, and it became a space for the self-confessed perfectionist to work day and night.
“From the very beginning, it felt so cool to have my own place where I could create, be free and share my gift with others,” she writes in YoungQueen.
Callme,Beyoncé
But it was uploading her powerful, quick-paced dance routines to YouTube that piqued the interest of dance aficionados around the world – including superstar Jennifer Lopez.
The pair worked on Jenny from the Block’s Dance Again World Tour and when it finished in 2012, there was a never-ending rush of offers that hasn’t eased since.
Parris admits, “You are either hot or you’re not in this industry.”
Her collaboration with Justin Bieber for his 2015 video “Sorry” is the sixth most viewed video on YouTube. She worked on dance-film
StepUp:AllIn and choreographed endless openings to award ceremonies, including Rihanna’s recent Grammys appearance. But there’s one artist who hasn’t yet been ticked off the list. “Beyoncé is the dream,” Parris smiles. “She’s the last one that I haven’t worked with. I know she knows about me. I know she’s heard. I’m just waiting ...” The self-taught dancer currently divides her time between Los Angeles and Aotearoa. But swapping the fast-paced LA lifestyle to return to family and friends on home soil can be a struggle. “I feel most comfortable and myself at home,” she admits. “If people ask me if I like LA, I’m like, ‘No.’ I just go for work. I’m there every other week. “But I do feel much more celebrated there. When I come home, nobody wants to talk about my work. Maybe they can’t relate to me any more.” However, Parris is serious about giving back to her community. Her book lends itself as more of a step-by-step guide for Kiwi teens wanting to follow their passion, pre-warning them of the pitfalls they may face along the way. And she is often found at her ever-growing Palace Dance Studio, teaching attitude-filled routines to the next generation of Goebel-wannabes, then trying to break them into the US music scene. “When I ended up in this industry, doing everything I dreamt of, I felt this obligation to share my story, especially to the young women of New Zealand,” she tells. “We need to support and celebrate our fellow creatives.” There’s no doubt Parris packs it in. This year, she will work on a film by Paramount and there are also whispers of a solo music career. And though she is “independent” rather than single, Parris says having a family is an essential part of her future. “Family is so important to me and mine are incredible,” she tells. “The biggest dream is to have my own children, whether that is with someone or not with someone. “I’ve looked into freezing my eggs so I don’t have to feel the pressure. I really want children, no matter what that looks like. But not until I’m in my 30s. “I have so much more I want to achieve. The stars are aligning for the next chapter in my life and that’s really exciting.”