HOUSE HAZARD

Enter rooms at your own risk is Kate’s take on teens

I’ve been reminded a lot lately of nature over nurture. Mostly I am reminded of it when I stare at our children’s bedrooms. Despite our best efforts to “nurture” our five kids in an environment of “pick up after yourself”, the laws of the universe seem to be telling us this isn’t going to happen.

It’s as though for every time you say the words “please pick up after yourself”, their little ears are only hearing “la la la”.

One of our five seems genetically programmed to pick stuff up. The other four are happy to live in squalor. And yet all were raised the same way.

When they were little, we tried star charts and incentive programmes – stickers on the fridge, pocket money and trips to the $2 shop. But those days soon run out and it’s not long before they look at you with “that face”, the “are you kidding?” face. Suddenly, the prospect of a sticker, a star or anything from the $2 shop is not remotely of interest to them. They become less scared of you, less eager to please and happier to roll the dice on any threats of what may happen to them if they don’t clean their rooms.

“You’re deducting my pocket money?” they’ll scoff. “I don’t care.”

I’ve read all the experts’ books on not sweating the small stuff, on picking your battles, but at the end of the day, I like to see the floors.

Kids don’t seem bothered by seeing floors, or beds or daylight for that matter. They’re happy with shut curtains, unmade beds and clothes on the floor. Is this because they don’t pay the mortgage? They don’t understand the value of a dollar? They don’t get how much blood, sweat and tears goes into working hard to pay for that bedroom they’re languishing in? Who knows?

I used to think it was age and stage, and it would get better with time, but like a lot of my parenting journey, I got that wrong too. I’m seeing no evidence of them outgrowing it. Having said that, there’s still hope.

My little sister, the messiest of them all, whose entire childhood was surrounded by rubbish and chaos, became a neat freak once she became a homeowner. Her cleanliness now borders on OCD. If you were to misplace a cushion at her house or leave a jersey on the floor (as she did her entire childhood), you’d be frowned upon. So I guess if she can do it, anyone can.

But do I have to wait for adulthood before I see the results? When they’re little, the mess is just spilled food, some Lego, toys or banana skins. When they’re teens, it’s bordering on nuclear. You don’t want to go into their rooms these days without wearing a hazmat suit.

So I guess therein lies the answer. Don’t go in. Shut the door and don’t look. Come to think of it, that could be a good approach to all aspects of parenting teenagers.